Back with the same thoughts

I still have my moments of clarity when I continue to tell myself that it was okay that I didn’t know I had Cerebral Palsy until the age of 46. I am constantly reminded and that’s why I feel I am struggling a little bit.

I am also dealing with flu around me and am struggling to stay well myself. I am fighting a sore throat now and think my feelings of where I’m at with my Cerebral Palsy is compounded by things like illness and having to cope with other things, but hopefully this will pass as soon as everything is back to normal.

This stage and what I’m dealing with is certainly testing my resolve. I have cancelled my appointment with my Consultant on Thursday and have re-arranged another one for the same time next week. Luckily my lesion doesn’t seem to be bothering me.

Having lived my life with no emotional support has made me stronger in some respects, but has also made me weaker too. I say weaker because never have been given the tools to cope, things hit hard when they hit.

There are times when I feel stronger, more focused and in control of my life; there will always be times just like these, where I feel differently again; revert back and have to fight back again.

23 Apr, 2011

4 thoughts on “Back with the same thoughts

  1. I believe we all go through a time when our resolve is in question. I did this past week.

    I thought for a while that I have been doing well with my blood sugar control, but then the insulin pump messed up and put me in a terrible place that I don’t want to be in again. So I’ve been reconsidering the pump and considered going back on injections.

    I think I have been depending on technology too much at times and this time it failed me. I’ve got to be more diligent in my care and trust my own feelings without depending on a device to do it for me.

    I hope things get better around your home and you stay well.

    1. Thanks Lisa… I don’t give up and will continue to work on what I need to do. Glad you’re feeling better. I believe our resolve is normally stronger than we think, when we need it to be.

  2. I know first hand about getting no emotional support.

    I have not had that since my best friend Pat died 2 years ago. I miss our chats and our meals out. She helped me through a very rough period with the illness and death of my mother.

    After Pat died I became and still am for the most part a recluse not going out much because there was and are no people I want to socialise or get to know here.

    I was very spoiled with Pat; the friendship came so easy. I doubt very much if I will ever find that again in this lifetime. That is very rare. I still cherish the friendship we had. It was special in so many ways.

    1. I know what you mean Randy. I believe support comes when we least expect to find it. You have much to give others as someone has to give you in terms of support.

      Don’t give up, wouldn’t want you to.

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