Becoming self-absorbed

There are many reasons why we become self-absorbed and it’s usually at a time when we’re stressed and not sure how to deal with things. Only caring about and being interested in ourselves, in our own thoughts and in our own interests.

What changes us is how our lives are channelled through nurture and our experiences, it is those things that often change us. Through our issues we learn a different way to be. Instead of being open and honest with ourselves, we shy away emotionally from dealing with things, as we begin to cope less.

Unfortunately, our upbringing is usually the catalyst of how we get to this place, although from my own experience that part is not always set in stone. We have free will to change how we deal with and do things.

How we conduct ourselves is very much up to us at the end of the day, but if we’ve become self-absorbed as a result of another person’s decision for us, or their issue or problem, then it’s important we recognise that and put right what clearly is wrong and with whom.

As a child, I was always self-absorbed, reverting into myself. It was never an ego thing. It was my strategy so that I could work through my issues. If the initial issue and our reason for becoming self-absorbed is not our issue, but that of someone else, it’s easy to make others close to us the scapegoat for how we feel and although that can be challenging, it needs to be corrected.

I never stopped working on trying to put things right in my own life. Over the years I have learned a different way to be from those moments and have never looked back. It has set me up for me to be able to see and do things differently.

Unfortunately, for some of us, being self-absorbed may sometimes be associated with ego and if it is the ego talking the ego won’t let us stop there, but again we must work on that.


26 Apr, 2016

4 thoughts on “Becoming self-absorbed

  1. Being self-absorbed isn’t something I experienced as a child, teen or adult. I was very independent from my family, from an early age, both emotionally and physically but that doesn’t equate to self-absorption. I did it to survive the nut-house I lived in!

    As you say you can be self-absorbed with or without an ego and from your writings, I can see yours was not ego related, but rather a defence and survival strategy; much like my independence.

    1. Thanks yes, definitely. When being self-absorbed is a coping mechanism it is absolutely accepted, as long as the ego isn’t involved. I think we tend to grow out of it when we’ve learned how to deal with our lives.

      The sad reality is that some people never do, particularly when it becomes a part of their mindset and their life. It should only ever be a short term fix, not something we should live with indefinitely.

  2. There’s a kind of danger in people who always think in terms of I rather than we.

    People who only listen to themselves and who can’t win anything without throwing punches; it’s not only self absorbed, it’s predatory.

    1. Thanks Tim. That is absolutely true and it’s something I have seen in my lifetime.

      If we use being self-absorbed as a quick fix to deal with and try to cope with our lives I think that is acceptable, as long as the ego isn’t involved, but think it depends on our reasoning behind it.

      Unfortunately, if it’s not dealt with quickly, it can totally get out of hand and that’s when punches are thrown and the whole thing becomes predatory and when that happens, it’s not pretty.

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