Being disillusioned

I have lived with being disillusioned for most of my life in one way or another. I am sure there will be others who will resonate with my thinking.

It’s easy for our expectations and illusions to lead to disappointment, particularly in relationships. How many of us begin to fill in the gaps, between what we think we know about those relationships and what we hope is true about them?

We tend to paint a picture that relationships are the things we hope them to be, then we apportion blame when they’re not. The irony is that no one ever claims to be all that they think they are.

I had many hurdles to climb growing up. I grew up in a dysfunctional world with very little support. I used to wish that my life was different and would often hope subconsciously that the way I was with others, they would be with me and when that didn’t happen, I became very disillusioned. I lived like that for many years.

It’s usually us that expect others to behave as we behave and why not? But there is the train of thought that says we should ‘do unto others as others do unto us, and that you get back what you hand out.’ If we treat someone with respect, they should treat us with the same respect back. It’s common decency.

I was always taught that we have to work at relationships and friendships. If the other person isn’t going to change and you cannot accept the relationship then sometimes choices have to be made. It’s true that the less we come to expect, the less disappointed we will be; the more accepting we will be.

From my own experience, being disillusioned sets in when we expect support and we don’t get it. We can’t ask others to change, we must become stronger, so we learn to cope, or just become more accepting of how those relationships are presenting. Others may just simply choose to walk away.

There is always the other option of course, that talking things out and telling family or friends how we feel, hoping they’ll listen and will want to change.

18 May, 2012

4 thoughts on “Being disillusioned

  1. I like how this post offers hope at the end of it. People won’t always listen or even want to change, but by expressing how you feel at least they have the option.

    We will never get through life without being disillusioned with other people’s actions. All we can do is be responsible for our actions and how we treat people.

    1. You’re completely right. I agree with you completely Stuart. I’ve always believed expression is an important part of any relationship. Without it, it’s easy to become disillusioned.

      Whilst giving others a chance to talk things through with us, which helps them express what they feel, we also give ourselves permission to speak our own truth which is important.

  2. My friend and I have a saying that “a true friend is like a rose without thorns.” This can happen but there is always going to be thorns.

    My friend and I also know that we can tell each other things, being good or bad and it wouldn’t affect our relationship. I think this should be true with any relationship. To be able to be honest and know the other person isn’t going to be offended by what we say because we have a mutual understanding that what we say won’t affect how we feel about each other. We live and we learn. Sometimes it’s good and other times it’s bad, but we are better for the experience.

    I don’t see my friend a lot at all. Sometimes we go months without talking, but it doesn’t affect how we feel about each other. We are both just busy in our daily lives with our jobs and families. We are there for each other when things happen. I think that’s important also. The support we give each other is important too.

    I know no matter what she will always be there and I for her. We are best friends.

    1. Those kind of relationships are the best Lisa.

      It’s a pity though that in your busy lives you don’t have time for each other. I know when and if you needed each other you would be there, but you seem to be missing out on the most important part of your relationship; spending quality time together.

      I’m not sure I would wait to really need or test her friendship in that way. It’s usually around illness that relationships are put to the test, when you know your friend’s there for you, or there for her. Why wait?

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