There is no getting away from the fact that my life has been a lie. Yes, I have lived a lie and have been disillusioned for all of my life, in one way or another.
How many of us may fill in the gaps, between what we think we know about those relationships and what we hope is true about them? We may paint a picture that relationships are the things we hope them to be, then we apportion blame when they’re not.
I had too many hurdles to climb, growing up. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment. I became very disillusioned early on and lived like that for many years. We may expect others to behave as we behave.
But there is also the train of thought that says we should ‘do unto others as others do unto us, and that you get back what you hand out.’ If we treat someone with respect, they should treat us with the same respect back.
If the other person isn’t going to change and you cannot accept the relationship as it is, then sometimes choices may have to be made. It’s true that the less we come to expect, the less disappointed we will be, the more accepting we will be.
From my experiences, disillusionment sets in when we expect support and we don’t get it. But we can’t ask others to change, we need to become stronger, so we may learn to cope, or just become more accepting of how those relationships are presenting. Others may just simply choose not to change, therefore we may have to.
There is always the other option, talking things out and telling family or friends how we feel, hoping they’ll listen and will want to change.