I have lived with being disillusioned for most of my life in one way or another. I am sure there will be others who will resonate with my thinking.
It’s easy for our expectations and illusions to lead to disappointment, particularly in relationships. How many of us begin to fill in the gaps, between what we think we know about those relationships and what we hope is true about them?
We tend to paint a picture that relationships are the things we hope them to be, then we apportion blame when they’re not. The irony is that no one ever claims to be all that they think they are.
I had many hurdles to climb growing up. I grew up in a dysfunctional world with very little support. I used to wish that my life was different and would often hope subconsciously that the way I was with others, they would be with me and when that didn’t happen, I became very disillusioned. I lived like that for many years.
It’s usually us that expect others to behave as we behave and why not? But there is the train of thought that says we should ‘do unto others as others do unto us, and that you get back what you hand out.’ If we treat someone with respect, they should treat us with the same respect back. It’s common decency.
I was always taught that we have to work at relationships and friendships. If the other person isn’t going to change and you cannot accept the relationship then sometimes choices have to be made. It’s true that the less we come to expect, the less disappointed we will be; the more accepting we will be.
From my own experience, being disillusioned sets in when we expect support and we don’t get it. We can’t ask others to change, we must become stronger, so we learn to cope, or just become more accepting of how those relationships are presenting. Others may just simply choose to walk away.
There is always the other option of course, that talking things out and telling family or friends how we feel, hoping they’ll listen and will want to change.