Being scrutinised

Growing up, I was dealing with a disability I didn’t know about. Being born with a disability and struggling with even the basics, meant it became clear I didn’t fit into other people’s idea of perfect.

Although my disability was never spoken about, there was scrutiny around the things I couldn’t do. But no matter how many obstacles I had to cross, I had to rise above those, otherwise I would have sunk. Believing in myself is the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Being scrutinised because I struggled to learn, presented itself daily.

I didn’t get school and the more those issues were ignored, the more I mentally and emotionally struggled. Eventually you are programmed to believe what you live, and that seeps into your psyche, into your life and into your relationships, made worse because you live with and deal with an ongoing disability.

It was obvious my life wasn’t about me, but I was going to have to make it about me. Fast forward to 46, and my writing journey through my blog, The CP Diary began. Through my blog, I am me with no mental or emotional struggles.

Although I still struggle with my disability and the enormity of how I got to this place, the ‘universe’ has paved the way for me to do what I do.

Yes, I have been told many times through readings that my blog is the start of the journey I was always destined to have.

2 Jun, 2021

2 thoughts on “Being scrutinised

  1. Amid struggle, you found your place in the grand design of things, because you knew your potential was enormous.

    Now, you are aggressively changing your life and the lives of others, that’s what deep thinkers do.

    1. Thanks Tim. Yes, although potential isn’t something you always think about, until it becomes a necessity, then you either use what you know to thrive, or you sink under the enormity of what you deal with, because you don’t know how to use the potential you have.

      It would go on to take me 46 years to identify with a struggle I didn’t understand, until I was able to research it fully. Through 11 years of blog, I have finally been able to uncover a disability I didn’t know I had, so I am looking at my disability, my struggles in the whole.

      Through universal truths, I shine a spotlight on each of us, so that we’re looking at our own lives, personal and close up.

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Many thanks
Ilana x