Believing I was normal

This wasn’t an easy blog to write, I hope I’ve done it justice. I grew up knowing only about a bad leg and foot. That much was obvious because it was something you could see. Wearing skirts made it more obvious, because you could see me walk toe heel, and because I walked with a limp.

Growing up and throughout my life, I was led to believe I was ‘normal’ and whilst I was still living at home that didn’t seem to matter, but it would eventually become clear, I was far from normal.

Fast forward to leaving home and functioning in my own normal began to get more difficult. When it comes to any relationship, it’s important a person’s disability is known about, so there are no surprises through the other end.

Believing I was normal, is further from what I am or what I’ve had to deal with over the years. I was never ‘normal.’ I have spent too many years trying to work around symptoms I didn’t know I had, whilst trying to conduct myself normally.

Instead, not knowing about my disability has caused years of unnecessary stress and anxiety. That’s not the same as going into a relationship and the other person knowing exactly what you deal with and what your symptoms are.

It takes a certain personality, allowing their child who they know deals with a disability to go through their life, knowing nothing about their disability and what they may have to deal with, and unconsciously still think it okay.

25 Jun, 2019

4 thoughts on “Believing I was normal

  1. Believe you’re normal, because you are. So abolish your distinction between normal and not normal until you show me a standard that is more normal than you.

    It’s normal to be a good person, excellent writer, author and awesome mother and have a disability. In fact, diversity is very normal.

    If you’re not normal I must be a monster.

    1. Awww that’s kind. Thanks Tim. The hard part was having to behave normally with no allowances, when my brain damage, was telling a completely different story.

      But as they say, ‘what is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly.’ My normal may not sit well with others, but being able to live with my disability with relative ease, makes me normal.

      So I’m normal and you’re not a monster.

  2. It boggles my mind that any parent would expect their children to think of themselves as normal when they’re anything but.

    They should have at least been able to let you know about your conditions, so that you would have been more equipped to deal with your life.

    I would find it very hard to live with myself if I had done something like pretending that my daughter didn’t have cerebral palsy and watch her struggle with life.

    I’m sure it’s heartbreaking and devastating when you think back on your childhood, as it does for me; seeing as I know that things could have been so much better for both of us.

    I’m thinking that is why I’ve been having such a hard time even contemplating writing about my childhood and life, seeing as it dredges up so much pain and suffering.

    I know it needs to be done, so I can finally move on with my life.

    1. Thanks Randy. I’ve had a hard time digesting it myself. My writing helps bring understanding, but I’m not sure I’ll ever come to terms with it fully.

      Both of our experiences have shaped us. I agree with you about the past dredging up so much pain, but speaking from my own experiences, it is well worth the effort if you can do it.

      I feel vindicated now. It doesn’t feel like my responsibility. It doesn’t change the experience, but it does change how we get to view those experiences and the people behind our experiences.

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