Beyond angry

I could have chosen to stay ‘beyond angry’ about my experiences and how I got to this place, around my disability, the injustice, but what would have been the point?

Anger just eats away at you, making you bitter. Anger doesn’t dissipate, we won’t experience catharsis by unleashing our anger. It doesn’t make our anger easier to manage. It increases the intensity of how we’re feeling.

As a child, I didn’t consciously connect with my anger. All I knew is that I was hurting. There were no connections between my physical, mental and emotional disability, or what any of those meant.

It didn’t help I was left to get on with things around a disability I didn’t know I had. I go back to how anyone with a physical and mental disability is supposed to ‘just get on with things’ is beyond my comprehension.

Whilst I admit I was angry, it was up to those close to me to understand why I was angry. When my circumstances changed in my mid-forties I was able to start piecing my disability together through my blog and book journey.

I can’t remember how old I was when officially I let go of my anger, but leaving home and being able to confront my disability issues, allowing myself to ‘just be me’ was the start of that journey.

6 Jun, 2020

2 thoughts on “Beyond angry

  1. ‘Beyond angry’ is putting it politely, since I was insanely furious for a long time. I mostly took what happened to me out on myself.

    It’s no wonder I kept ending up in the same type of emotionally abusive relationships as that is was what I was used to. You live what you know, even when it’s extremely unhealthy.

    I have watched so many others people do the same thing, even though I tried to tell them that they had choices. I would have to say that ‘love’ is definitely deaf, dumb and blind.

    I was finally able to let go of most of my anger, when I chose to walk away from my last relationship as I didn’t want to deal with so much of the anger again.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, I hear you. Honestly, I did the same thing. You find yourself doing it when no one else takes responsibility.

      I’m not sure how old I was when I began to understand my life and began to turn things on its head. Your life was never about you Randy. My life wasn’t about me.

      Generally, anyone continuing to carry what doesn’t belong to them, just adds to the ‘anger they feel’ so that they become even more angry. Anger if it continues can make you physically and mentally ill.

      You know your life wasn’t about you; it was your parents life making their life about you.

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