I could have chosen to stay ‘beyond angry’ about my experiences and how I got to this place, around my disability, the injustice, but what would have been the point?
Anger just eats away at you, making you bitter. Anger doesn’t dissipate, we won’t experience catharsis by unleashing our anger. It doesn’t make our anger easier to manage. It increases the intensity of how we’re feeling.
As a child, I didn’t consciously connect with my anger. All I knew is that I was hurting. There were no connections between my physical, mental and emotional disability, or what any of those meant.
It didn’t help I was left to get on with things around a disability I didn’t know I had. I go back to how anyone with a physical and mental disability is supposed to ‘just get on with things’ is beyond my comprehension.
Whilst I admit I was angry, it was up to those close to me to understand why I was angry. When my circumstances changed in my mid-forties I was able to start piecing my disability together through my blog and book journey.
I can’t remember how old I was when officially I let go of my anger, but leaving home and being able to confront my disability issues, allowing myself to ‘just be me’ was the start of that journey.