Call a spade a spade

22 Dec 2016

As a child, after a while I learned not to talk about my feelings because there was no point, but I do now through my blog. I see it as a necessity.

I call a spade a spade. I describe things as they really are. With me, all scenarios are either black or white, there are no grey areas. How we see things is important, but how we express ourselves is even more important. As a child, I didn’t quite get the expression thing right, but with no emotional support or my issues being addressed, it’s not that surprising.

Over the years I have learned to speak my own truth, even if my experiences and circumstances aren’t how I would have liked them to be. And although I call a spade a spade, my version is more palatable, as I choose to see and perceive my experiences in a more positive light. Although my life has been negative, I’m choosing not to see or live my life that way now.

I also choose not to sugar coat my experiences either. What you read in my blog, is the way in which my experiences happened. Denial and wanting to see our circumstances differently doesn’t help. I believe we must all face our demons eventually if we want to live a successful life.

How we speak the truth matters. We can be truthful, frank and direct and find a different way to be, without being outspoken, rude or impolite. Unfortunately, though many of us may not strike the right balance. We’re often outspoken to the point of being hostile, frank, blunt and rude.

Of course that depends on where we are in our own personal head space. As we go about life, we tend to mirror outwardly what we feel inside. When confronted by someone who is on the receiving end of the way we are instead of being honest, we tend to refute it and march it straight back.

6 Responses to “Call a spade a spade”

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  1. Bonnie Johns 22. Dec, 2016 at 4:34 pm #

    You’re very right. I didn’t know how to express myself either until recently.

    I’m still working on it. Thanks to your Diary and some therapy, I’ve learned to communicate better and say what I mean and express myself in ways that are very important of how I feel and the way things are.

    I thank YOU for that Ilana.

    • Ilana 22. Dec, 2016 at 5:18 pm #

      Thanks Bonnie. I’m so pleased for you. It doesn’t matter how we get to make those changes, what matter are the changes themselves.

      I’m so pleased the Diary has been instrumental in that. It’s a two way street. By responding on my blogs, you are helping me also. I couldn’t continue to run the site in this format without your support. Thank you.

  2. Randy 22. Dec, 2016 at 9:47 pm #

    I know I definitely didn’t grow up in a politically correct household, so I don’t understand people when they’re talking that way. Nobody ever worried about hurting my feelings.

    They most certainly didn’t candy coat anything like they do nowadays. It’s why I almost spit out my soda when I read the headline of your post. People would consider the term to be racist here in the US, but it may be a normal expression in the UK.

    I only mention it, because it is a prime example of what I’m talking about. I’m pretty sure I remember hearing it a few times as a kid, so it doesn’t bother me in the least. We also grew up in a world that was very black and white without a whole lot of grey, so it’s no wonder that I was so confused.

    Now I am trying to follow your example in learning how to speak my mind; and being able to be okay with it. I spent most of my life people pleasing, to the point of forgetting what my own thoughts and opinions were, so it is kind of a foreign concept.

    I was just informed last night that I can be very harsh in what I may say to people and I can’t even remember what I may have said to upset this person. There are times when my mean side does surface, but usually only when I’m tired of being nice and somebody may need to hear something that they don’t want to hear.

    It just reminds me of the line from a movie of, ‘you can’t handle the truth,’ which does happen on occasion. I don’t intentionally set out to offend people so I am trying to change my ways.

    • Ilana 22. Dec, 2016 at 10:01 pm #

      Thanks Randy. Yes, I’m not sure how many people actually think about their own behaviour towards people who aim to please.

      From what you say you aimed to please. I suspect years of aiming to please and then realising it didn’t serve you, will have changed your attitude as others began to see another side of you. If you weren’t subjected to having to please all the time, you probably wouldn’t have a mean side, or what others think is mean.

      I believe you when you say, ‘you don’t intentionally set out to offend anyone’ and if you do, it’ll be out of frustration for being taken advantage of.

  3. Tim 23. Dec, 2016 at 1:17 am #

    Negativity, I’ve noticed is not within your sphere of influence. You just tell it like it is, with a riddle attached to it; I figured that out already.

    • Ilana 23. Dec, 2016 at 6:42 am #

      Thanks Tim. I am really pleased you’ve worked that out and you’re right that is exactly how I do it. Unfortunately, I’ve lived and still continue to live around negativity.

      I have spent a lifetime lifting myself up because of it. Being around so much negativity makes us more aware of how we don’t want to be. Unfortunately others will see us how they want to see us, regardless of how we see ourselves.

      It’s important we don’t hold on to what others think of us, because they will always have their opinions of us and how they want to play it, but what we think and know of ourselves.

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