I sometimes feel as though I am controlled by cerebral palsy. How I would choose to live my life is not how I get to do it, particularly around clothes I like to wear.
I have always struggled to find clothes that I like, to fit around my condition. I was never keen on skirts because of the lack of muscle mass on my left side. As a child I would have loved to wear open-toe sandals, or flip-flops in the summer. I would also love to wear three-quarter length jeans with pumps. Instead I have to wear clothes that cover up, and I hate that.
Although Mum bought me flip-flops because my sisters wore them, it was obvious I couldn’t hold on to them. She either didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that I had different needs, or she wanted me to be the same. I remember telling her that I couldn’t keep my flip-flops on and trying to hold on to a sandal was near to impossible.
I am lucky that my writing allows me to evaluate and bring acceptance to a lot of my experiences, including my clothes. When I talk about the things I know I couldn’t change, writing about them make me feel slightly better. I simply try to dismiss the guilt and accept that’s how it was.
Although I tend to have to work around my wardrobe in other ways, it can get difficult in the summer months.