I’ve never been one to look over my shoulder, what other people have is fine by me.
But on my not so good days while I’ve been dealing with Cerebral Palsy, a momentarily lapse and I find myself glancing at others, wishing my life didn’t include having to deal with it. Living with Cerebral Palsy has always meant I’ve had to wear clothes that hide a multitude of sins.
When my daughter was little, I had less pressure and felt more confident. There wasn’t anyone grown up or who I thought was significant in my life to make comparisons with, so it was easier for me to concentrate on myself, given my own set of circumstances. I always give of my best.
I am not envious or jealous of anyone. It’s not my way, but it does make me feel more inadequate sometimes because my clothes don’t look as good on me as they do on others, because I have Cerebral Palsy. I know this is a natural thought pattern, but on my good days it’s not something I think about and on my not so good days, I find myself reflecting.
Of course we probably all have problems with styles of clothes, I get that. What suits one person won’t necessarily suit another and sometimes we won’t always feel good in the clothes we wear, depending on how we feel about ourselves.
But my clothes tend to fit differently on one side, so it’s especially hard when buying jeans or trousers. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get to me at times. It’s also really frustrating that in 40 + years, without any discussions or support, the decks haven’t been cleared on some of those thoughts that keep cropping up.