Confirmation, a sign

Every now and again, something will come into our lives briefly as a sign to show that the universe understands, even if it can’t change things.

Something happened whilst I was watching ‘Gordon Ramsay Kitchen Nightmare show’ when reality hit home that I was literally looking at my own life through the eyes of this family, whose Lebanese father had opened up a restaurant that was failing, which is why Ramsay had been brought in.

This was my life with all the trappings of control I’d endured, the life I’d lived, the life I tried to change, but never could. I watched these children’s struggles, which were my own. Their thoughts, their feelings, their wanting change, but most of all wanting their father to listen, afraid to speak out for fear of reprisal, all wishing their lives were different.

For the first time, I came to see my life through another’s eyes and knew the universe was finally acknowledging my struggles and my life, as a sign that I had been released from guilt. My life had finally been understood.


27 Apr, 2015

8 thoughts on “Confirmation, a sign

  1. I believe that things like that have a tendency to happen and it’s no accident that they do. It’s as if the powers that be know that you needed that confirmation in your life at that time.

    It’s comforting to know that all our struggles don’t go unnoticed. I’m sure watching that TV show will have helped you heal, even if just a little.

    1. Thank you, yes I did feel as though a weight had been lifted. I believe it was no accident either. It was only when I got half way through the show that it dawned on me that was and had been my life.

      The Universe is aware what we go through and what we deal with. It’s no co-incidence. I believe things happen for a reason.

  2. The Universe uses different methods and vehicles to make statements that we individually understand. Messages can be transferred through a TV show, an animal, a dream or even a thought.

    You are a spiritual pilgrim; the Universe really does understand and so do we.

  3. Hard to believe something good came out of watching that show, but I understand what you’re saying! (I can’t watch his shows because of all the screaming, which triggers me.)

    It sounds like it did the same for you, but in a far different way. When you see it happening and it seems so familiar it’s not surprising that you paid so much attention to it. The reality is that it sounds like a lot of families go through those dynamics where there isn’t much of a chance to change things.

    It just points out that the issues aren’t yours but other people’s issues, so you can stop feeling guilty for mistakes they made.
    The show that is like my childhood is ‘Shameless,’ the US version based on the UK version; they’re both fitting in my opinion.

    My father wasn’t quite as bad as the father in the show, but he always seemed to have some kind of scheme going on. It just created so much chaos in our lives, when it wasn’t really necessary.

    People can’t seem to fathom what it was like for us as kids, nor do they really believe that it was actually that bad. My parents so often blamed each other for our problems but the reality was that they should have never had children.

    This is why I don’t talk a lot about it and try so very hard to forget it ever happened!

    1. I can understand why you don’t talk about your childhood Randy and I also understand why Gordon Ramsay’s programme would trigger you. I have problems when I see a mother being heavy-handed with her child in a pushchair, that acts as a trigger for me so I know where you’re coming from.

      All we can do is do our best with what we have been given. None of what we’ve had to deal with is ideal, but it’s happened. All we can do is deal with our feelings and find a resolve for what we’ve had to deal with.

      This particular episode brought about more of a resolve on what I’ve had to deal with. I’ve been struggling with this for many years and believe see it at that time was meant to happen. I’d been thinking about the control element some days before.

      I’d only been thinking about it days previously in my mind.

  4. Ilana: It’s so wonderful that you got a sense of resolution to your feelings. It’s funny how that t.v. show brought that out (I agree with Randy too much screaming.) The subject is a problem too many people have.

    It’s just good for you to see that others go through it too and that you’re not alone. I am sorry to hear your parent was mean to you. That really must have been a hard thing to live with.

    You have changed in that you didn’t express that same kind of feeling on your kids. Shows what a great Mum you are!

    1. Awww thanks Maria. So kind. Your response has brought about many more feelings Maria, not bad though, which is why The CP Diary works.

      We have somewhere to share and talk about our experience and seek support through other people’s thoughts, feelings and experiences and that helps us function better and change things in our own lives.

      Yes this was my life, but being aware of certain non-appropriate behaviour traits has made me more determined that I would make sure the buck stopped with my parents.

      I feel as though I now have closure and a recognition that indeed this was my life. When there is no resolve from a parent it’s so easy to carry and continue to carry their guilt for the way our lives turn out.

      I was also determined not to make their problems mine and feel this has now been achieved.

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