When a person directly controls your reality without giving you an opportunity to say how you want things to be, that person is controlling.
If you’re unfortunate to have been brought up with a parent who initiates controlling behaviour that parent will probably continue to control your life long after you’ve left home, even when you have your own family. As hard as it is to navigate any relationship, a relationship is even harder to navigate when that person uses control to get what he wants.
From my own experience of family members who constantly used control, it impacts not only the person who is being controlled, but everyone else too; even if we don’t think it is having an impact. The use of control will also impact others too, as we all learn to deal with that person’s controlling behaviour.
Of course, opinions about that person will differ when it comes to other family members’ opinions. Some family members may not be aware they are being controlled, whilst others may be aware but won’t know how to deal with the control. Different perceptions of the same situation will always put a different slant on our opinions, even when we’re dealing with the same things.
If it’s a parent whom we have the problem with, then moving house or getting married won’t help if that parent is still in our lives. Having children won’t ease the problem either; in some respects, having children makes it worse as we try to lead a more normal life, without wanting to subject our children to the control. It’s almost impossible.
One thing we mustn’t do is apportion blame for our circumstances and as hard as it is, we must learn to put emotional distance between us and the other person.