Things are never easy for the one who is terminally ill, or the family dealing with their loved one being terminally ill. I’m tired and although I am mentally okay with what’s happening, keeping up with it is even more tiring.
It’s important to spend time with a loved one, but I have chosen to focus on both because that’s important too. We’re also doing other things so that we get to spend time with each other and have some ‘me time.’
Physical health is just as important as our emotional health and so we’re concentrating on both. This time around with my father, everything seems different. I don’t seem hung up on feeling guilty about not seeing him all the time. I’m also not panicked about what will happen, or what I’ll do if the worst should happen.
Although my father seems ready for the inevitable, he’s changed his mind from wanting to end his life in the local hospice versus at home. He knows his long-term prognosis isn’t good, but he’s decided he wants more control over what happens.
I think the not knowing, the waiting, the coming and going and is making me more tired. It’s the uncertainty of the outcome and watching my father struggle that is adding to how I feel. Give me an issue to deal with and I’ll work something out. Give me uncertainty and I’ll go round the block a few times.
I’m eating, sleeping okay and don’t feel stressed about it and as I wait for more news from the hospital, I’m relaxed about the next step.