When someone does or says something to hurt us, we take it personally. We will always set ourselves up to feel pain when we take any injustice personally.
That’s not to say it’s an injustice, but the injustice we thought was intended for us, wasn’t always meant to be personal, it’s often just how that person manages to deal with us at the time. It may seem like they will, but when it comes to relationships and families, they won’t always wittingly set out to hurt another family member intentionally.
From my experience, it’s often how others learn to deal with themselves, what they know, what they’ve learned and how they have been parented themselves. When we come to understand why, we will come to see and know the bigger picture.
When we constantly blame others for how we feel that doesn’t allow us to move on in our own lives. How we feel in the present moment is our responsibility, regardless of any past indiscretions. Blaming others doesn’t allow us to move past the injustice.
What I do know is that when we come to blame others, we give our power away to those who don’t deal with us appropriately. Parents’ parent us with what they know. Nothing we do or think will change that, but when we continuously blame, we continue the abuse patterns on ourselves firstly.
Where we can change, we must always try and where that isn’t an option, we must concede and let go. If something has been done to us by someone else, it’s very rare they will come back, own up or apologise, unless they recognise their own behaviour patterns.
All we can do is understand, let go and move on. What we continue to resist, particularly around relationships will always persist.