Defensive behaviour

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to go on the defensive and make their issues about you? Defensive behaviour is a pattern that is often repeated, usually by people who have a problem with themselves.

Although using defensive behaviour can temporarily make us feel better about ourselves, it can also put us in a very awkward place and in some cases isolate us and make us look and feel less credible.

But through personal growth we’re more likely to be tolerant of ourselves and therefore tolerant of others and less likely to go on the defensive. We’re also more likely to have time to listen and accept what other people say, and less likely to ‘fly off the handle’ at every little thing.

Perhaps we need to understand that when someone says something to us, it’s often because they’re trying to help even if we don’t want the help or don’t see it as help. We should take what they say in the manner it’s given, unless the other person’s tone is wrong, then we may need to deal with their tone.

Being defensive is a bad habit that can be easily remedied though. It’s something we act on when we see someone else as the problem and not us. But taking responsibility for what we say and how we say it, is the first step to changing defensive behaviour.


11 Oct, 2011

8 thoughts on “Defensive behaviour

  1. As I am sure most of us do, I recognise this behaviour.

    I’m lucky in that I have someone to point it out to me, so I can change the pattern before things get problematic 🙂

    1. I am sure like you; most of us have will have someone who can point out this kind of behavior. I’m pleased you recognise the behavior, as recognising this behavior is half the battle; the other half is changing it.

      Thank you for being so honest.

  2. What you mentioned here can be applied to a lot of other self-changes as well. Most people when they get rushed and hurried emotions don’t take the time to decipher what they mean.

    I think that’s helpful in more ways then one.

    1. You are right, of course there are many other emotions that can trigger off defensive behavior; brought about by not having time to think, but I believe any emotions we have should be dealt with in a way that is both appropriate and acceptable; whether we have time to think them through or not.

    1. Thanks for being so honest Lisa. I am sure we all recognise this kind of behavior, whether we use it now or not.

      I am pleased you’ve managed to calm down a little bit.

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