Different but the same

Perhaps it is a cultural thing, a feature of the behaviour of a certain generation, but there are parents who tend not to treat their children as individuals.

They see what they want to see and will judge their children together. They may even go on to judge their children in the same way as adults. But we must all be allowed to be individuals. When we treat people as individuals, we’ll always see people as individuals.

We must be judged individually for ourselves and by our own actions. Walking in our own shoes isn’t easy, let alone walking in our own shoes when our parents constantly judge us in the same way they judge our siblings. Not only is that hard, but it also puts a rift between us, our siblings, our parents and us.


8 Jun, 2014

6 thoughts on “Different but the same

  1. I agree. We shouldn’t judge our children the same. They are different in so many ways. My parents didn’t judge my sister and I the same, but in some ways I think they should have had the same expectations from both of us.

    I was always the bad child and my sister could do no wrong in their eyes. We should be encouraging to our children and supportive and we shouldn’t treat them as adults until they are an adult.

    Some kids have no social interaction with peers of the same age group and are raised around adults, so they are treated as adults and they grow up not knowing how to act with others their same age.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I’m not sure which is harder, being judged in the same way as our siblings or having parents who stereotype us, but either way they’re both not great.

      From what you say Lisa it sounds as though you and your sister were stereotyped, you being the bad child and your sister who could do no wrong in their eyes. Unfortunately both of those traits are harmful for our emotional health.

  2. My parents always treated us differently, which did create a lot of hostility between us. Things were OK until we got to a certain age and then it seemed like they didn’t know what to do with us.

    There always seemed to be a sense of judgment, but at other times there seemed to be a great degree of apathy like they didn’t really care what we did. It was very confusing to say the least when we never knew what to expect from day to day.

    I would rather have not been born than go through what I did as a child!

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes parenting back then was a little hit ‘n’ miss. I’m really not sure when you and I were growing up parents’ knew what to do with us.

      I hope you find a place Randy, so you can put all of this behind you now. We cannot change how we were brought up, what’s done is done but we can change how we perceive our childhood so that we make a better life for ourselves and our children.

  3. It’s quite simple really, we are all individual and must be treated as such.

    I wonder how parents who don’t treat their children individually would like it if the shoe were on the other foot. I suspect it might well be a salutary lesson.

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