Don’t be a scapegoat

Don’t be the scapegoat for something you didn’t do, but if you have done something, then be responsible and accept that you have. Never accept blame for something you didn’t do. Accusations are unjust.

If more than one person is responsible for something that has happened and we’re the one being made the scapegoat, then we must say. We must use what we know to let others know we’re not the one at fault. Outline your part, it’s up to others to own up for themselves.

On our part, we must build up our self-confidence, so that we stand up for ourselves. If we’re more assertive, we’re more likely to say something when the finger is pointed at us. When we lack the self-confidence, we usually run with what someone else is telling us, then feel bad when we can’t go back in and correct things.

When we use a scapegoat as a means of communication, we will have distorted views on our reality. No one without a distorted view will seek to use someone else, in order to justify themselves and their behaviour. That person may also continue to direct the problem and will feel justified in the process.

Dysfunctional families will use this behaviour as a form of communication. In the long term, all it does is create more unease.

24 Jul, 2013

6 thoughts on “Don’t be a scapegoat

  1. Yes, I agree. We shouldn’t let others use us as the fall guy. I really don’t remember a time when this has happened to me.

    My step-daughter used to twist things around to make her sound like cinderella and me the wicked step-mom though.

    Everyone eventually found out the truth but no one apoligized for not believing me, that I didn’t do the things that she said I did.

    1. Thanks Lisa. We don’t often remember the day or time; or in some cases the circumstances being made a scapegoat or ‘fall guy,’ but we tend to know and remember well the people who behave like that as your response indicates.

      Growing up I was the fall guy many times and it was always based around the same relationship. From my experience that’s the way it tends to work.

      If we distance ourselves from that person and build a new life for ourselves we escape those patterns.

  2. Well in my family I learned how to always blame things on others which wasn’t very fair. Kind of hard to accomplish anything when there are problems that need to be dealt with but no one wants to accept responsibility for them!

    I found myself being the scapegoat quite often, so it became a familiar role. Even now after all these years I still find myself feeling guilty for things that happened when I was a child that had nothing to do with me.

    Just tonight it dawned on me that I’ve done pretty much the same thing as my father, which was to punish himself his whole life for mistakes he made. I’ve subconsciously tortured myself too for things I did when I wasn’t able to realize that it was Ok for me to defend my beliefs.

    I’ve given up so much in my life because deep down I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy. I just have to learn how to carry on from this point so I don’t end up wasting the rest of my life!

    1. It sounds as those were your coping mechanisms, you cannot be blamed for that Randy. I was the scapegoat for other people too and also felt guilty about my education, or lack of it, but as you know, we’re not always responsible for anything that happens in our childhood. That part of our life is our parents responsibility.

      Children tend to blame themselves for most of what goes wrong in their childhood. When there’s no place for the blame to go we do begin to blame ourselves for not making those different choices.

      It’s time to let go and move on. As hard as that is to do, it’s harder living with the guilt and wishing you’d made different choices.

      Try not to own and carry the guilt from someone else. That is for them to carry, not you.

  3. I do agree with this. As a child I ALWAYS blamed others for my behaviour when I got caught, which I invariably did!

    This made me into a bit of a habitual liar as I thought that I could lie my way out of situations which were entirely my fault. When I look back with my family, we laugh at the ridiculous things I got up to and the excuses I used to make up to get out of trouble.

    It took a while for me to change that pattern but it was a valuable lesson to have learned and hopefully one which my children will not make.

    1. Well it’s good to learn from those valuable lessons. It’s not so pleasant being on the receiving end of someone’s bad behaviour, but it’s good you see that now.

      It’s also a good lesson that we can pass on to our children, not to make the same mistakes we did. Either way the universal law will always play its part in these kind of situations. We get away with nothing!

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