Effects of my brain damage

The CP Diary continues to give me a platform for my experiences, my life including my Cerebral Palsy symptoms, in no specific order.

I am writing this blog so that I can finally come to understand some of the idiosyncrasies that make up who I am and which stem from my particular brain damage. These quirks have been with me forever and are part of my DNA.

I was an odd kind of child. I wasn’t aware that all the things I struggled with had anything to do with sensory issues, but through self-analysis and years of ‘detective work,’ I have come to learn that is exactly what they were. As a child, I came across as being aloof, prim and proper, awkward, cold. Any adjective of not fitting into a family scenario easily, would best describe how my family saw me.

My family thought it was just how I was, never stopping to question the reasoning behind my behaviour. I spent a lot of my formative years living in my own world, trying to make sense of self. I had a problem with most things, including smells, loud music, noises, visual distortion, drinking from another person’s cup after they’d taken a sip.

I also have a problem with textures, things like scouring pads. Even saying the word, makes me cringe. Fabrics were also a problem. I had a problem with different fabrics, being touched and tickled. Through necessity, I also eventually learned how to use my intuition to help with my learning, but it would go on to take many years for that to happen.

Whilst my intuition plays its part in my mature and highly responsible behaviour, in many respects my thoughts and feelings continue to be immature and childlike. Throughout my life, my intuition would go on to become my guiding light. It’s something I have come to rely on daily.

It helps me focus; it helps me understand life; my life; my thoughts and feelings and allows me to make good judgments. Of course it doesn’t take away from other people’s judgments of me, based on what I deal with, but it does give me a clearer understanding on that score.

Unfortunately, my intuition didn’t kick in until later in life, by which time l had failed at many things. I was considered lazy. I’d start things and never finish them, but that was a Cerebral Palsy scenario, concentration thing. After years of honing, when I finally came to master my intuition, I slowly began to see and understand how I could change things.

My intuition continues to allow me to make sense of the world and the people who have played their part in it. It helps me find acceptance, where I once struggled and whilst I have an acceptance on most things now, others still find it difficult to understand me.

In my next blog, I will go on to outline my brain deficits pertaining to Cerebral Palsy in detail and will try to elaborate how I feel and their impact on my life.

20 Jan, 2016

8 thoughts on “Effects of my brain damage

  1. I appreciate learning what life is like for people living with Cerebral Palsy. Your thoughts and your passionate language has shaped my values and humanized my struggles. There is nothing wrong with your brain.

    If you haven’t read the CP Diary, you’ve been in a cave for the past few years.

    1. Thanks for the compliment Tim. It’s funny but when I’m in the throws of writing a blog, my brain feels normal, it’s at other times when I have to adapt into my life, that the cracks begin to show.

      The CP Diary humanizes my own struggles and makes my issues feel less of a struggle. Thanks for being a part of it.

  2. I agree with Tim! You’ve brought so much closure and comfort with your research and words. We don’t feel like we’re alone anymore.

    The more we read What you research and get the opportunity to discuss, it’s better than any therapy I’ve ever received. Even though I haven’t been medically diagnosed yet, we all have the same symptoms and everyday struggles.

    And I thank God and thank you everyday for it. What a special person and blessing you are to this world and SO many people. From the bottom of my heart and soul thank you Ilana.

    1. Thank you!! Such a lovely compliment. I truly am humbled by your words, they mean so much to me. Thanks Bonnie for being part of the team… that is The CP Diary community. That way We can continue to support each other.

  3. Thank you Ilana. We all need to support one another, since sometimes I feel we we are all we have.

    You’re definitely right when you say there isn’t enough research on our disability so we have each other. I thank you SO much for bringing us all together.

    1. Thanks Bonnie for being part of this scenario. I am genuinely pleased my site and blogs are making a difference. That pleases me because I know what it’s like not to have had that support.

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Many thanks
Ilana x