Embracing autism symptoms

I came to terms that I was different a long time ago. I didn’t know why I was, because nothing was ever explored or looked into, apart from the fact that I had a bad leg and a bad foot.

Although I would contemplate many things as a child, fast forward to my early 20’s, I was still continuing to contemplate things. I didn’t know about my mental symptoms at the time, but still trying to get to grips with myself was a full-time job. I would while away the hours, looking at how I responded to stimuli.

Although things weren’t obvious because I had no-one to compare my symptoms to, I continued to analyse some of my outward behaviour. The irritability came about because I knew something was wrong that it wasn’t just about what you could see physically. Everything was dumbed down.

Fast forward again to my late forties and with a diagnosis, I began to see and understand more about my presenting symptoms, that autism would fit my presenting behaviour. I see my symptoms as something to be embraced rather than something I need to challenge, but it didn’t stop others challenging me.

The hardest thing has been my learning disability and generalised anxiety disorder, because growing up they were constant. Nothing I deal with is ever easy, but at least I understand the patterns now. I have learned to cope with OCD.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, (“ADHD”) would explain my restlessness and my inability to stick at one thing and see it through. Particularly true as a child when I was regularly criticised for starting tasks and not completing them and for my lack of concentration in school.

Seeing what I have gone on to achieve, particularly with my studies and website was carved out in stone long before I knew it ever was. It is the universe writing a wrong on all my experiences, where I wasn’t able to do it for myself, particularly in the earlier years.

On another note, I feel it’s harmful to assume without knowing. It’s important to know the facts and not assume. ‘My Story’ is testament to that.

30 Nov, 2018

4 thoughts on “Embracing autism symptoms

  1. It doesn’t sound like you grew up in an environment where anything out of the ordinary was ever questioned, especially any of your autism issues.

    I find it amazing that any parent would knowingly ignore their child’s issues, instead of just tackling them head on. I know things were a lot different back in the 60’s and 70’s, but that doesn’t change the facts of what both of us went through when there wasn’t any valid or logical reason to.

    People may wonder why we we’re so angry and emotional at times, but they didn’t have to suffer for as many years as we did, not fully understanding what was going on.

    You have been such a great inspiration to me. I know that I should get busy writing too, since I also have a lot to say.

    1. That’s kind Randy. I’m pleased what I write helps you too. Yes, it’s a parent’s job to protect their children, but the human condition is flawed and parents may not always escape that. But as parents we must always try.

      Now through my own research and understanding my life, I have come to understand what I didn’t know or understand as a child.

      It doesn’t make what was done right, or take away responsibility from those who should have protected me, but it does help me understand and emotionally move on.

      I must have been around 14 to 15 years old, when I remember telling myself that if I was ever lucky enough to have children, I would do things differently and I have.

      It’s so important not to bottle our thoughts or experiences up however we can.

    1. Yes, it’s lovely when our thoughts come together and we concur what the other person thinks.

      Whatever our parents do it is important we change and parent differently. The sins of the parents and that’s absolutely true, but it’s still no excuse.

      It doesn’t help future generations if what we’ve had done to us, is repeated with our children. However hard it is and it is hard, we must try to parent differently.

      Children aren’t asking for model parents, they simply want us to care and show that we do.

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