Emotional control

I have always had people in my life who have used emotional manipulation. It’s all about control. We can free ourselves from its grasp as long as we understand its concept and stop it early enough.

As we continue to live with emotional manipulation, we will continue to live with fear as the manipulation continues. A manipulator will always turn what we say around in such negative ways. It doesn’t matter what we say, something will find its way back to us that is negative.

Emotional manipulators will say something and if confronted, will deny what they say, by saying they didn’t say it at all. That’s when we will begin to test our own memories of past conversations, to verify that what they said is what we heard. Ten times out of ten what we’ve heard is exactly what we’ve heard, but the emotional manipulator will always deny it.

What about responsibility?

They will never take responsibility for what they do. They will consciously identify situations where they will continue to observe what others have done to them and will share their own experiences that seems completely reasonable, so that we begin to feel sorry for them.

To us, they may seem vulnerable, open even sensitive, but it’s usually a ploy for their own personal gain and the manipulators recollection is often not a true reflection of events and how they happened.

What about making us feel guilty?

Manipulators are masters in the art of making us feel guilty for just about everything. They’ll make us feel guilty for showing we care; for not caring enough; or they’ll make us feel guilty for showing too much emotion.

Unfortunately, as they constantly play the victim card, alongside their guilt-trip and sympathy tactics, they’ll continue to play with our emotions, but we have to be completely educated in recognising the signs.


13 Dec, 2012

8 thoughts on “Emotional control

  1. I’m sure someone has done this to me, I just can’t remember it. I probably just let it go and got on with things, but this is a hard situation to be in and can be embarrassing.

    Did you remember right or is the person lying? There is underlying causes I think that make people like this. Maybe they were victims themselves.

    I’m having to strain my brain this morning LOL! Good post.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I believe people who emotionally manipulate in this way are victims themselves. I believe that much is true. I also believe there are many underlying causes which make people behave in this way.

      It’s very sad that in our lives some of us have to deal with this kind of behaviour.

  2. Both my parents used to play the guilt card with me until they realized it had no affect on changing my behaviour.
    My mother once used a form of blackmail that also did not work.

    Now with my father I just ignore him sometimes and do not react when he is being a crazy fool. He stops the behaviour when he gets no reaction out of me.

    If they get no reaction they will stop doing it. He gets this trait honestly because his father did the same thing to him. My grandfather loved to start an argument, then just sit back and watch the explosion.

    He got a strange high out of this.

    1. We often play out what we see, so your grandfather playing out this kind of behaviour will have prompted your father to do the same. Having both your parents do it must have been hard. Either way it’s not right, it’s just what it is.

      I understand your sentiments about ignoring the other person and not giving them a reaction, but I’ve never seen it happen that way. Our initial reaction is to act. It’s often very difficult not to, particularly if it happens often.

      It’s commendable when anyone stops themselves from reacting to this kind of behaviour. Our initial reaction in any circumstances, if we feel threatened in some way is to react.

      1. It took me years to learn how not to react. Sometimes it is very difficult, but if I do react it usually ends up in a verbal fight, which I always lose.

        1. It’s not right or fair that your father puts you through this. We should work to make our lives and that of our children better than our parents did with us, not introduce bad behaviour traits in this way.

          It’s a shame for you, but I can understand why you never win… your father’s being doing this for so long, he’s a master at it!

          1. I agree no parent should ever do this to their children. Unfortunately he learned this from his father.

            Thankfully my brother treats his children very well. This type of treatment will end with my father. Thank God for that.

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