Emotional scarring

It’s difficult to carry emotional scars and move forward. Emotional scarring, although part of a particular event or circumstance, consumes our waking thoughts, perceptions and actions and like all emotions are not something we’re always in control of.

It’s also the reason why we fail to heal and opt out on moving forward. It’s also the biggest reason why we fail to deal with our scars on a conscious level. Some of us will even have trouble acknowledging we have them.

But when we begin to perceive and see our lives the way we should, we will have no reason to carry either our emotional scars. They’re sometimes there as a result of someone’s guilt, not necessarily our own.

12 Nov, 2013

8 thoughts on “Emotional scarring

  1. I have scars from my first marriage. My ex-husband was emotionally abusive and a few times physically abusive. I’ve pretty much dealt with the abuse, but occasionally something will occur that brings it all back. Luckily I have a husband that has shown me that I’m worthy of being treated right and in a loving way.

    I think we can get over things but it just takes time. We shouldn’t try to speed the healing up. We have to face it and the abuser if possible.

    My ex really didn’t give me a chance to face him because he died of a self-inflicted gun shot wound. That has caused more scaring for me and my daughter who was just 8 years old when he died.

    That scar is slowly going away for me but it stays with my daughter.

    1. Thanks Lisa for being so open and honest about your experiences and how you feel.

      I completely agree with your thoughts. Having gone through those experiences and seeing others having to deal with difficult situations can act as a trigger point for us.

      Although I haven’t had your particular experiences, I have had other experiences that are triggered by other situations every now and again. There is no set rule for healing, we all deal with our experiences differently and will therefore heal at different times. It’s always easy to play things back in our minds to see how we could perhaps have handled those situations differently, but the bottom line is we never could.

      We’re in control and take responsibility for ourselves. Your ex-husband should have been able to that for himself. There will have been nothing you could have done to help him. I think if we understand that, we are less likely to take their behaviour personally. A person’s behaviour is never about us, their behaviour is about them. They have to want to change.

      I am so pleased you’re doing great now and that the scars are healing. I can understand your daughter’s struggles. She was a child at the time. Children’s brains are like sponges. They will find it hard to understand and let go in the same way as an adult can.

      I hope things ease for her soon.

  2. One thing that might give comfort, is that with scars that place becomes stronger than it was to begin with.

    It doesn’t mean it doesn’t continue to hurt or the scar itself doesn’t continue to remind us of the original pain, but what if those scars helped us become stronger?

    1. Welcome to the site Kerith. I agree with you.

      Carrying emotional scars often means we’ve had an experience, usually bad, but even through a bad experience I believe there’s a lesson, a thought process that has brought us through and can make us even stronger.

  3. We are in many ways a sum total of our experiences. Many of these experiences identify who we are and often times dictate our behavior. Our thought patterns are affected as well. We all have emotional scars to an augmented or lesser degree.

    I was listening to a co-worker yesterday explain her plight growing up poverty and I couldn’t help but notice how her experiences actually formed her personally. The emotional scars she inherited, left her with mental scars we cannot see because many of these scars are so deeply hidden.

    I think emotional scars can be a lesson learned and not an everlasting stain on the soul.

  4. Yes, I understand this subject very well since my psyche is very scarred from the years of neglect/abuse of my childhood among many other things!

    They say “Time heals all wounds!” but I have to add that the scars never fully heal, I hate to say! It doesn’t take much to tear those scars off and reopen those old wounds which usually cause so much more pain.

    My oldest defense was to disassociate from the situation which pushed me to the brink of insanity and beyond! I’ve just had to really learn how to deal with real life situations without doing that and try to lead a somewhat normal life.

    1. The only way is to disassociate ourselves from those situations Randy. You’re right to do that. I believe time does heal all wounds, but we have much work to do to get to that point where we’re okay with things.

      No one ever forgets their experiences of course, but they may find a place for those experiences so that they get to move on with their lives. We’re all different and will cope differently. I’m not sure any of us will come through our childhood or lives completely unscathed.

      I hope you do manage to lead a somewhat normal life Randy. You deserve it.

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