Extending our values

I believe sewing a seed with our children in their formative years, means they will reap the benefits later on. Of course there are no guarantees with that. It’s the nature of raising children, but it also very much depends on whether our children agree with our opinions and values.

My values have taught me so much about how I want to live my life and although I haven’t insisted my children work with the same values, they know how and what my values mean to me. Although we wouldn’t want our children to be clones of us, we would want our children to evaluate what they’ve been taught from us, so that they get the best out of their own relationships and their lives. After all that’s what being a parent is all about.

We cannot expect others’ in our children’s lives to conform to our children’s values, but that it’s up to our children to decide whether those people are right for them, given their own set of values. We cannot always expect children to think what we think, particularly when they have so many other influences in their lives. But I would hope our values will resonate with our children on some level.

My own belief is that as long as we sew a seed, eventually children will conform to a certain extent. Children learn from their parents. It may take time of course but if it’s done right I believe it will happen.


8 Apr, 2013

4 thoughts on “Extending our values

  1. I agree with you. I also have a perfect example of what you’re talking about with my youngest daughter. She was raised with certain values.

    She is living with her boyfriend three hours from us. Him and his family’s belief are almost the total opposite of what my daughter has been taught and how she was raised. There is nothing I can do about it. She is an adult now and has to make her own choices for her life. As long as she is happy I’m okay.

    You’re so right, we cannot change other people’s values. If we want to have a relationship with them, both parties have to compromise.

    I was raised with certain values but they weren’t the same as my parents’ values when they were growing up. This is another area that we must compromise on. Times change and situations change.

    I would have loved living in the era that my parents grew up in. Things were better and families were closer. Values meant something.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I do appreciate and agree that different times will bring about different problems as far as values are concerned, but core values should never change or be changed.

      Values do seem to get watered down through the generations to comply with a particular era. I agree with you completely, but adapting to fit in and ignoring our own values in the process I don’t agree with.

      I think if we instill our core values in our children in their formative years, they should work to those core values regardless of anything else that’s going on around them.

      To some degree we have to fit in, but we mustn’t compromise on our own values, thoughts or feelings to do it and neither should our children.

  2. I missed out on really doing that with my daughter, but I think she still turned out pretty OK for the most part!

    She was really mostly raised by her Mother,due to my nervous breakdown and subsequent mental health and alcohol issues. Sometimes I wonder how differently she would have turned out if I had done the right thing and fought for custody of her.

    Obviously I can’t change that now, but from what I can tell, her mother managed to keep her safe. I’m just trying so very hard to be a good father to her now, which can be awkward at times!

    She seems to be very happy that I’m still a part of her life, so I can’t really complain.

    1. It must have been very difficult for you given what you were dealing with Randy, but the fact that your daughter is happy to have you in her life now shows you’ve had an impact on her positively.

      Just because you had your own difficulties to deal with doesn’t mean you were a bad father, it just means you weren’t coping with your own life at that time. You’ve clearly come through some of your own difficulties now and see that.

      I’m happy also that your daughter has chosen to have you in her life. Keep up the good fight.

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