Our parents often have expectations of their children. I didn’t live up to what my father’s expectations of me were, but since I was dealing with a disability I didn’t know I had with all of its implications, it didn’t matter.
It doesn’t stop us thinking about their expectations of us. I will never know now what he really thought. He wasn’t an easy man to read and his expectations were high. I didn’t need my disability to make me feel incompetent.
The worst part was having to go through exams, come out with the bad grades and have to tell my father my grades. While some children may have to live up to their father’s expectations more than their mum’s, I was aware and embarrassed I didn’t make the grade.
But the pressure for children to do well is always there. I didn’t put the pressure on myself and as much as I tried I failed. I am not sure what my father thought of my abilities, or my grades, but it’s clear I failed on both.