It is a sad reality that some of us will grow up with little or no meaningful in their family, where others will grow up with a special bond that will last a lifetime.

Generally, children form bonds with their family first and then extended family and in many circumstances this is to be encouraged, but it’s always hard if you happen to come from a dysfunctional family.

It’s hard for any child when they’re in the middle of a feuding family, but it’s even harder for parents who are often seen as the bad ones for trying to bring some normality into their children’s lives, away from those who choose not to behave in their family’s best interest.

It’s lovely to see families who are close, but sometimes seeing families that are close will reinforce our own circumstances. Attending family functions tend to bring it home, when it becomes apparent to those attending the party who is close and who isn’t.

Unfortunately, that part is often brought into the equation, is there and serves as another gentle reminder of where we are sometimes with family.

5 Dec, 2012

6 thoughts on “Families

  1. I grew up in a very close family, especially my mother’s side of the family.

    My father’s are more distant but we are still close. My mother’s parents believed that family was everything and spent numerous hours with each of us. We still have family gatherings at least twice a year and try to get everyone there, so its a huge event with the parents, grandchildren and great-grandchildren and now we even have three great-great grands. My grandparents have both passed but all the love they shared is still there. We all get along also.

    My father’s family is close in a different way though. We get together once a year unless there is a special occasion like a baby shower or wedding. All my father’s siblings are successful in business and other things and they essentially have money and I think that puts a gap between us all. It’s like High Society. Some of us don’t really belong and others do. I don’t think the family factor is as strong there. My aunt’s children all were sent away to boarding schools and now they all live in various parts of the world.

    My first husband’s family was a good example of a dysfunctional family and in part still are. They have their agendas and unfortunately for my daughter, she gets caught in the middle sometimes and gets hurt. I’m still friends with them but we’re not real close, so I see both sides of the coin.

    1. Such a mixed bag of experiences Lisa. You’re very lucky to have had such positive experiences growing up with your grandparents and your parents on your mother’s side, not so much on your father’s side.

      I think you’re right, unfortunately money does get in the way of relationships and can drive a wedge between families. Money changes certain individuals more than others and as you say puts a gap between families. It’s either money or a successful element.

      I believe it’s very sad that dysfunctional families stay that way without trying to turn something around. I hear what you say about your first husband’s family. From my own experience most people will have their own agenda and families do too, but that some families are more dysfunctional than others.

      It’s when children get involved and hurt that we need to perhaps think about coming out. For me, it’s that which makes it wrong and not acceptable.

  2. I feel like an outsider in my own family. Everyone is busy with their own lives.

    As for bonding with my only brother it never happened. We are like strangers with one another. If the bonding has not happened at 57 and 58 it never will.

    Sad reality but I tried for years to connect with him, with no success and gave up years ago trying. It was like banging your head against a brick wall.

    1. I’m sorry Randy, I know how you feel.

      Bonding usually happens with siblings in the earlier years. If it doesn’t happen then, it is my belief that it never will. Unfortunately from my own experience the problems between siblings stem from our parents.

      I know when I was growing up, my physical and emotional problems didn’t help my siblings. There was some resentment there; but there was no emotional support either. I believe with the right emotional support in place from our parents and for each other, there should be no reason why siblings don’t get on.

      We’re not born with any of these attributes. How we interact with our siblings is learned behaviour from our parents, based on our upbringing and what we have to deal with.

      It’s a shame that some individuals and families don’t seem to be able to get past these problems.

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