Family

Yesterday’s feature quote, “If you could figure out how to live with family then you’d gone a long way toward finding your peace.” I’m still figuring that one out.

Family should be the people we want to spend time with by choice. They should be the ones we want to go back to long after we’re grown. Family should be a support, but not interfering. Family should also be helpful, caring and interested. Unfortunately, some of us are still left wondering what went wrong.

I still believe underneath the exterior, family are well intentioned. They may often mistake well meaning for interfering. Many of us will spend our time trying to adapt and other times moving the boundaries back in place.

There will be other times too, when we’re back on track, only to find we’ve slipped back off again with something we’ve said; then it’s back to square one again.

These are my tips on family:

  • Put space between you and your family, so you’re in control of how much time you spend with them;
  • Don’t feel pressured to do what they want;
  • Make your own choices;
  • Always say what you feel you need to say but say it with tact and discretion and don’t hold back;
  • Be prepared to move the boundaries;
  • Never leave family assuming; always go out of your way to make sure they know where you stand on things because miscommunication can be detrimental.

If things don’t work out, it’s your choice whether you introduce more space between you, or whether you choose to walk away. If we had such a perfect family, we wouldn’t feel the need to walk away.


8 May, 2013

6 thoughts on “Family

  1. I don’t think I had enough support from my family. I messed up one too many times as a teen growing up and then later in my early twenties. I think I was condemned by my family and they still see me as a screw up.

    Of course my mom tells me not to worry what others think, but when you see your family giving support and praise to all the others and none to you, you can’t help but wonder what they think.

    I have one family member that tells me how proud of me she is every time she sees m,e or talks to me on the phone, my Aunt Peggy. She knows how far I’ve come and what I’ve been through.

    I worry I will disappoint her though in some way, but she is a forgiving person.

    1. Thanks Lisa. From what you say, it sounds as though you have very little support; particularly from extended family. Family can either help bring peace into our lives or make us more insecure about ourselves.

      Your mother is right when she tells you not to worry about what others think. I gave up a long time ago worrying about that. It’s when we stop worrying about what others think that we actually bring about the most peace.

      Just be you Lisa.

  2. Everything you have said here is very true. Some wise advice as well to deal with family members who give you trouble.

    Sometimes you just have to distance yourself to stay sane.

  3. I agree. I was advised many times to move away due to interfering family, but work and social ties kept me here.

    It’s not always easy to move away, especially if you have a family of your own with school etc but I do often wonder how much more peaceful life would have been living elsewhere.

    1. Without the interference of family, life would have been a lot easier I would imagine. Although ordinary life gets in the way with issues we have to deal with; generally we would have more peace to help us deal with our issues.

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