Family should be the people we choose to spend time with. They should be the ones we want to go back to long after we’re grown. Family should be a support, but not be interfering. Family should be helpful, caring and interested.

Even through all my experiences, I still believe that underneath, family are well-intentioned. They may often mistake well-meaning for interfering. Many of us will spend a lifetime trying to adapt to that, and others trying to move the boundaries back in place.

There will be times too when we feel we’re back on track, only to find we’ve slipped back off again with something we’ve said, then it’s back to square one.

These would be my suggestions for coping with family:

  • Put space between you and your family so you’re in control of how much time you spend with them;
  • Don’t feel pressured to do what they want unless you’re happy to do what they ask;
  • Make your own decisions;
  • Always say what you feel but say it with tact and discretion and don’t hold back;
  • Be prepared to move the boundaries back;
  • Never leave family assuming; always go out of your way to make sure they know where you stand, because miscommunication can be detrimental.

If things don’t work out, it’s up to you to make a choice as to whether you put more space between you and the family or whether you choose to walk away completely.

Of course, if we had a perfect family we wouldn’t feel the need to do either.

8 May, 2013

6 thoughts on “Family

  1. I don’t think I had enough support from my family. I messed up one too many times as a teen growing up and then later in my early twenties. I think I was condemned by my family and they still see me as a screw up.

    Of course my mom tells me not to worry what others think, but when you see your family giving support and praise to all the others and none to you, you can’t help but wonder what they think.

    I have one family member that tells me how proud of me she is every time she sees m,e or talks to me on the phone, my Aunt Peggy. She knows how far I’ve come and what I’ve been through.

    I worry I will disappoint her though in some way, but she is a forgiving person.

    1. Thanks Lisa. From what you say, it sounds as though you have very little support; particularly from extended family. Family can either help bring peace into our lives or make us more insecure about ourselves.

      Your mother is right when she tells you not to worry about what others think. I gave up a long time ago worrying about that. It’s when we stop worrying about what others think that we actually bring about the most peace.

      Just be you Lisa.

  2. Everything you have said here is very true. Some wise advice as well to deal with family members who give you trouble.

    Sometimes you just have to distance yourself to stay sane.

  3. I agree. I was advised many times to move away due to interfering family, but work and social ties kept me here.

    It’s not always easy to move away, especially if you have a family of your own with school etc but I do often wonder how much more peaceful life would have been living elsewhere.

    1. Without the interference of family, life would have been a lot easier I would imagine. Although ordinary life gets in the way with issues we have to deal with; generally we would have more peace to help us deal with our issues.

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