Watching George Michael’s ‘Freedom’ documentary drew me straight to my own set of circumstances and how I felt growing up without knowing about my disability and having to continually struggle.
In one part of the documentary George talks about how hiding his sexuality made him feel fraudulent. My not knowing about the condition until 46, made me feel the same way, that everything I did was a lie up the point of me finding out.
Without a diagnosis, everything I felt and everything I thought was me, wasn’t. It also wasn’t how I would have chosen to live. How you’re told to live not only has a knock effect on how you relate to yourself, but to others too and you just have to be okay with it. It matters that you don’t know. It makes you feel incomplete.
It was like a part of me was missing. It matters that you can’t be comfortable with yourself, or who you’re supposed to be. We must be true to ourselves, but we can’t be true to ourselves when we don’t know, or in George Michael’s case knowing and not being able to say.
For me, knowing meant I could fit the last piece of the jigsaw in terms of knowing I had a disability and what that was. I would then have to piece my symptoms together.
*My blog today is dedicated to George Michael.*