Feeling irritated

Although subconsciously I always wanted to know what was wrong with me, up until mum became terminally ill I never consciously thought about it. Perhaps I had already resigned myself to the fact that I knew it wasn’t an option, whilst my circumstances remained the same.

As a child, I assumed my family didn’t know my diagnosis; that none of us had any answers. I wasn’t angry because of a non-diagnosis, I was angry because my disability was ignored as I continued to struggle.

It became clear post diagnosis, at the age of 46 that the only option was to find a way to move on and that came in the shape of my diary. When anyone is born with a disability, their physical and emotional needs must be met.

This is real life and is not always how life plays out. Not everyone is capable of doing what is expected or right, and therefore we won’t always have justice. As my story shows, life doesn’t always give us what is deserved.

All we can do is change our circumstances to a more desired outcome when we can. It is always important to focus on the journey and how far we’ve come. In many respects, the journey is more important than the destination, because the destination may not be the one we assumed we would have.

It’s up to us to get our heads around our circumstances. It is also important we learn how to protect ourselves through the process. That is the smart thing to do.

Wallowing over what we’ve lost, doesn’t serve a purpose. If anything, it just leaves us tied to the old tapes in our heads that keep repeating the injustice. Instead of feeling irritated, or being bitter and angry about it, it’s important we do something positive and find a way to move on.

My blog shows that success can come in on a lifetime of negativity and what I see as our failings, as long as we learn as we go, we find a way through and be graceful about our life, not bitter.


29 Jun, 2018

4 thoughts on “Feeling irritated

  1. It would have been nice for both of us, if our parents would have addressed our issues like normal parents would; but obviously that never happened so we have had to adapt, improvise and overcome our obstacles without ever really knowing what the problems were.

    Way back in the 60’s and 70’s, things like Cerebral Palsy and ADHD weren’t very well known, let alone talked about, so we both pretty much fell through the cracks.

    Life definitely isn’t always fair, which I have wasted most of my life wallowing in self pity because of it, but we can learn to make the best out of our situations, as you have proven with your blog and great advice which has helped me out tremendously.

    1. I think I’ll leave this one with you, suffice to say it’s lovely to know that given both of our experiences, we’re on the same page.

      That helps. Thanks Randy.

  2. I can think of lots of much stronger adjectives to describe how I’d feel in your circumstances, but your attitude is positive and that contributes to your healing.

    1. Thanks. Yes, I have come to terms with my past and put it behind me now. Writing about my experiences in the way I do has brought about new understanding and that helps with my healing.

      If my experiences and the way I write, can help others understand their own experiences too, they hopefully will be able to work on the healing process for themselves.

      Sadly, coming to terms with our past isn’t easy or something easily understood.

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Ilana x