Although subconsciously I always wanted to know what was wrong with me, up until mum became terminally ill I never consciously thought about it. Perhaps I had already resigned myself to the fact that I knew it wasn’t an option, whilst my circumstances remained the same.
As a child I assumed my family didn’t know my diagnosis; that none of us had any answers. I wasn’t angry because of a non-diagnosis, I was angry because my disability was ignored as I continued to struggle.
Years later and finding out that I had been diagnosed at the age of 2, I feel irritated that this was my life and that the rug had been pulled from under me. It was clear post diagnosis at the age of 46 that my only option was to find a way to move on and that came in the shape of my diary.
When anyone is born with a disability, their physical and emotional needs must be met. But this is real life and is not how life plays out sometimes. Not everyone is capable of doing what is expected or right, and therefore we won’t always have justice. As my story shows, life doesn’t always give us what is deserved.
For those of us caught up in those circumstances, and when we’re in a position to do so, all we can do is change our circumstances to a more desired outcome. It is always important to focus on the journey and how far we’ve come, rather than on the final destination.
In many respects, the journey is more important than the destination, because the destination may not be the one we assumed we would have. It’s up to us to get our heads around that. It’s also important that we understand and learn how to protect ourselves through the process. That’s the smart thing to do.
Wallowing over an injustice doesn’t serve a purpose. If anything, it just leaves us tied to the old tapes in our heads that keep repeating the injustice. Instead of feeling irritated, or being bitter and angry about it, it’s important we do something positive and find a way to move on.
My blog shows me that successes can come in on the back of injustice and failings, as long as we learn as we go and find a way through and be graceful about our life, not bitter.