Feuding parents

Is there such a thing as a non-feuding parent? I am sure some of us will have grown up in families where parents argue. Children will see arguments in their lifetime.

It is not possible to totally avoid them, but how much of what children see is harmful? Some children may be fearful of their parents’ arguments and that will have an impact in other areas of their life, other children may become insular and take everything they see and hear inwards.

Other children may become more vocal about what they see and may try to intervene to stop their parents’ feuding. When it comes to feuding parents, there is evidence to suggest that these are the emotions children will experience.

Children are supposed to see their parents as role models. Parents should be there to protect their children. It’s already easy for children to feel stressed growing up, because they have a lot to deal with, particularly in their school years, but living amongst parents who argue all the time can leave them feeling more stressed, both about family and school.

Their sense of what family is, can be undermined and may be replaced with confidence and self-esteem issues. Inevitably and sadly, when parents argue, the trust between the parents and the children will break down. And as parents break the rules, their children will be made to abide by new rules, which can then become very confusing.

Children will always be affected by parents who argue, and will sadly begin to emulate what they see in their own relationships as adults.


3 Aug, 2012

2 thoughts on “Feuding parents

  1. My first marriage was like that. We argued a lot and my husband at the time also got physical also.

    He was raised and had it in him and started acting like his parents did when he was little. That’s one reason I left. I wasn’t going to raise my daughter in a bunch of arguing and abuse. Little did I know at the time that she had already been affected by it all by the age of 3.

    I was raised with parents that hardly ever argued and if they did they didn’t do it around my sister and I. I know now haw arguing affects children.

    My husband now and I don’t argue hardly at all. We do disagree about somethings, but arguing isn’t part of our marriage. I think our son will have a good childhood considering all the health issues he has.

    1. I completely agree Lisa. It is not surprising that your daughter has been affected and will probably still be affected by the problems you had in your first marriage.

      I think it’s hard to avoid arguments completely, but if children have things explained to them about adult disagreements or arguments, it will make things easier. We cannot go through life not having disagreements or arguments, given life and what we have to deal with, it wouldn’t be realistic, but if we can limit arguments and explain things, it will make things more acceptable.

      Children like to feel they have a secure network around them. Sometimes arguing can work the opposite way, so children may feel threatened.

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