Feuding parents

Feuding parents… how many children will have grown up in families where their parents argue? I know I did. It is not possible to totally avoid arguments, but how much of what children see with their feuding parents is harmful?

Some children may be fearful of their parents’ arguments and that will have an impact on them in other areas of their life; other children may become insular and take everything they see and hear to heart.

Children growing up around feuding parents may be asked by one parent to intervene to stop their parents’ feuding. When it comes to feuding parents, there is evidence to suggest children pick up on the emotions brought about through their parents feuding.

Instead, children should see their parents as role models and parents should be there to protect their children. Children have a lot to deal with through school that can leave them stressed, but living amongst parents who argue all the time can leave them feeling anxious and stressed.

Their sense of what family is can be undermined and may be replaced with confidence and self-esteem issues. As parents break their own rules to fit their lifestyles, their children can be made to abide by the new rules, which can leave them confused.

Children may always be affected by parents who argue, and may also begin to emulate what they see in their own relationships as a result.


3 Aug, 2012

2 thoughts on “Feuding parents

  1. My first marriage was like that. We argued a lot and my husband at the time also got physical also.

    He was raised and had it in him and started acting like his parents did when he was little. That’s one reason I left. I wasn’t going to raise my daughter in a bunch of arguing and abuse. Little did I know at the time that she had already been affected by it all by the age of 3.

    I was raised with parents that hardly ever argued and if they did they didn’t do it around my sister and I. I know now haw arguing affects children.

    My husband now and I don’t argue hardly at all. We do disagree about somethings, but arguing isn’t part of our marriage. I think our son will have a good childhood considering all the health issues he has.

    1. I completely agree Lisa. It is not surprising that your daughter has been affected and will probably still be affected by the problems you had in your first marriage.

      I think it’s hard to avoid arguments completely, but if children have things explained to them about adult disagreements or arguments, it will make things easier. We cannot go through life not having disagreements or arguments, given life and what we have to deal with, it wouldn’t be realistic, but if we can limit arguments and explain things, it will make things more acceptable.

      Children like to feel they have a secure network around them. Sometimes arguing can work the opposite way, so children may feel threatened.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Order my new book

Ilana x