Finding closure again

Having already seen one neurologist when I was first diagnosed with cerebral palsy, two years later I opted to see another neurologist, so I could try to find out a little more about my symptoms and although the consultation wasn’t altogether a success, I came away with more positive thoughts.

I went in with no preconceived ideas, hoping that my neurologist could shed some light on more of my symptoms. I wanted to be given another chance to work through my symptoms, so that I could link my experiences with more of my presenting symptoms.

Unfortunately, I forgot that he would already have notes from my doctor in front of him. Although that made it slightly more difficult, I came out knowing a little more than when I walked in. I gained a clearer understanding of which part of my brain is damaged, and which parts of my body, this accords with.

My neurologist went on to explain why my leg is worse than my arm and explained in more detail which part of the brain was responsible for that.

It is not possible to be certain which of my daily symptoms are attributable to my cerebral palsy, my neurological issues, or which symptoms are to my having been born prematurely, but my neurologist thought that cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) would help with brain fatigue. Having started CBT, it has helped with my anxiety, and it has also helped me to cope with my brain fatigue.

Ever since I was first diagnosed with cerebral palsy, I have worked tirelessly to find out as much as I can about it. The more I meet with a brick wall, the stronger my resolve. Ever since I can remember I have always worked with logic. If something makes sense and I understand it, I go with it.

The problem I have is that I know what I deal with is logical to me, but because there is little or no information out there, it’s not always easy to verify my view of things.

I knew that when I started my journey, I wasn’t guaranteed a diagnosis, let alone an understanding of my symptoms. However, in many ways, knowing a little more about both has made life even more frustrating for me. When we have no information at all, we tend to muddle through without asking questions and accept where we are.

Speaking my own truth for the first time brings a little comfort. Getting my thoughts out there for others to listen, helps.

23 Sep, 2011

4 thoughts on “Finding closure again

  1. Even if the appointment didn’t go too well, I’m glad you got a few answers and you can bring about closure.

    I think there will always be questions and if new symptoms arise will it be related to CP or something else. Only time will tell.

    You do deserve some peace and it seems like you may have some now. I’m happy for you.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I have one or two more answers on my brain function and how that works around my physical symptoms, but that’s it.

      You are completely right in what you say, there would always be questions with new symptoms that may arise as I age, but for now I’m happy to let it go. I can go no further. I’ve done all I can.

      That’s probably why I am okay with bringing closure.

  2. As unsatisfactory as the consultation went, I do believe that you can use this to help bring closure and that will be a big help.

    You deserved better, but I really don’t think there is the help out there.

    1. I totally agree with you.

      This is such a harsh reality for me. Forty eight years on, I am still not that much better off; but you are right I can use this experience to bring about closure and will.

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