My mind isn’t settled. It comes on the back of having to continually deal with anxiety through my brain impairment. There seems to be no reprise.
It is because my emotions are impaired that I have a permanent traffic jam in my head. And although I appreciate it’s the symptoms I must treat, that is difficult because I already have a predisposition to deal with before I start the process and that impairs my thinking further.
As a child I never equated my emotional struggles and what I was presenting was anxiety. I also didn’t understand or equate that I would never be free of anxiety because of my brain damage, that I would have to find a way of dealing with it because I don’t fit into other people’s normal.
Although I am okay with that and have come to accept that, those close to me find it difficult to fit into my normal. I also feel aggrieved that things could have been made easier for me around bad thoughts and anxiety.
Knowing I will always be grappling with both makes it harder, because I’ve never been equipped and don’t have the tools now to move anxiety away. Through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy I am finding ways through that fit my particular impairments.