Growing a backbone

Growing up I was angry and others took advantage. I needed to grow a backbone. When you eventually grow one, others then see what you do as non-caring, or hateful. But it is important we take control on how we choose to live our lives.

I was emotionally and mentally struggling. I struggled to live my life and where I tried, I failed. Our upbringing is very much responsible for that. My life changed 10 years ago through my cerebral palsy diagnosis. For the first time I had the freedom. Now I steer and point myself in the direction I want to go.

Growing a backbone means learning to care less about what other people think. Whether you have a backbone, or you grow one, you will always be seen the way others choose to see you. If you choose to put others first, they will thank you for it, until you start speaking out, then you’re seen as the bad one.

It’s not that they have a problem with you speaking out, they have a problem with the fact that where you have spoken out, they are struggling to speak. No one feels threatened, until we give them reason to feel threatened.

If the shoe were on the other foot, and they grew a backbone, they would expect us to run with it. It is important to grow a backbone.


30 Jul, 2020

6 thoughts on “Growing a backbone

  1. Boy, isn’t that the truth. I grew up needing one, but then was punished for daring to speak up for myself. It also made me angry and resentful which people saw as me being spoiled and bratty, but it was because I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings properly around what was going on.

    What I said would often come out sideways to the point where I had no idea where my words were coming from. I behaved in ways that I’m still not proud of, but considering my childhood, I think that I have actually done okay.

    It has been incredibly awkward and uncomfortable getting used to having my very own backbone, but also extremely amazing. I’m very curious to see how things will turn out with one.

    1. We all need one Randy. As they say, better late and you managed it. You’ll find it can be quite a cathartic experience.

      Being able to say things you never dreamed of saying, but you thought you wanted to say. I think as long as what you say is channeled positively, there is no harm speaking out and saying how you feel.

      What we’re getting wrong is how we’re saying what we’re saying, not what we’re saying; we’re all entitled to an opinion.

      It’s a shame how things work out, but many lessons to be learned, least of all, we learn how ‘not to do things.’

  2. When you are ‘too nice,’ you give people the benefit of the doubt. You assume everyone is looking out for your best interests, because you’re looking out for theirs. But there is a fine line between being a nice person and being a doormat.

    I have put up with a lot of bullish*t as my kindness meant I was not being respected or taken seriously. Having lived through that for too long, I won’t fall for that one again.

    1. Thanks. Yes, ditto on your thoughts. When you say yes all the time, people may and often do take advantage, particularly true in families.

      As you have experienced, it doesn’t make what’s done is right. It should never have been a thing. As a child, it didn’t matter what I was asked, I always said yes’.

      It didn’t serve me well. I am sure those would be your feelings too.

  3. Brad’s comment is spot on. If you’re too nice people come at you like an angry swarm of bees, sensing weakness. After you’ve been stung a few times you grow a backbone instinctively.

    So look out for predators wearing disguises and show them your backbone before they get the wrong impression of you.

    1. Agreed. Yes, I’m not sure what’s worse. I think it important to grow or have a backbone because it tells others exactly what you will, or won’t accept.

      I think you’re right. Without a backbone you become prey. Those people without a backbone show mental and emotional weakness.

      If you value yourself, you won’t want to get dressed without one.

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