Had everything come together, and everyone done their job with my disability and learning difficulties, I would have been put into a special school, so my life would have been worse in that respect, but I still never grew up the way I wanted to.
Although ignoring a disability must never be something society ignores or condones, in my case growing up with no mental or emotional support, over the years I became more determined to find out about my disability, so in that sense things worked out, but I am still having to come to terms with the enormity of what happened. My experiences are difficult to shift.
How do you erase 58 years of trauma and struggle? Success doesn’t replace trauma and time span has everything to do with how well we heal. The longer we endure trauma and the more it is allowed to go on, the less likely we are to heal. Where time can be a great healer, it depends on the duration and the experiences.
My experiences still act as a reminder and coupled with painful memories, those are difficult to shift. If you have an apology, it becomes easier to reconcile and move on. With any wilful intent and no apology, it takes longer to come through the healing process, or worst-case scenario is we may never heal.
I’m in no doubt that with the understanding of how I got to this place and not feeling any better about it, means I am not healed; I merely have the understanding and that’s not the same thing.