Do we ever really get over emotional abuse? I think we can, but that depends on the circumstances and why the trust had been broken. Relationships are about trust, trust is the invisible thread that binds families and people together. You don’t question it, you don’t see it, you assume it’s there.
Even through my writing, I don’t feel any better about my experiences and how I got to this place, then I reconcile for a short while. We trust, but may feel betrayed by family if what happened to us was done by a family member.
We know what our difficulties are, we know what’s happening. I could see my physical difficulties, but my mental and emotional difficulties although obvious in part, weren’t that obvious, so it was easy for those to go ignored.
But it’s hard not to take it personally when it happens on our watch. By writing about my disability means I understand everything. I know what happened to me. I am angry about what was allowed to happen, angry that it was allowed to continually intrude negatively, in other parts of my life for years; too many years.
Yes, what happened to me isn’t my responsibility, it isn’t mine to accept, so I can give responsibility away to those it needs to go to. I absolutely recognise that I did my best to get through it, I know that I couldn’t have prevented what happened to me.
Through writing, I have taken control back, but the realisation that it happened under my watch, and for 57 years is the reason I’ll never get over it.