Holding a candle to someone

Having Autism means I get to see the world in black and white. I see the good, the bad and the ugly in the way those realities present. Where others are not able to do that, they genuinely may not see another person’s faults, and instead will hold a candle to them.

And where on occasions those people are given the benefit of the doubt, I am able to see when someone has been wronged, or whether they deserve to have credit. But it is important whatever our circumstances, we see the reality and adjust our lives accordingly.

As a rule we would rather go with the familiar, than accept a person’s wrongdoings, and have to work through change. But where the mind plays tricks, we must make sure we’re clear on people’s intent. That is important.

It is people’s intent that determines good character. That if good character isn’t happening because of their intent, we mustn’t hold a candle to them.


11 Apr, 2019

2 thoughts on “Holding a candle to someone

  1. I think seeing things in black and white can be an advantage, particularly where a person’s character is concerned. To see through the veneer is always a good thing.

    I am done with looking up to people. I spent far too much time doing that and it proved to be on the other person’s terms, and I don’t think he cared much for me anyway.

    We shouldn’t feel obliged to hold a candle as you say, but to judge someone on their actions and words instead.

    1. Agreed. Sadly those people don’t change and don’t think they need to change, it’s usually us who must. It’s all about control.

      I have spent a lifetime trying to avoid those type of people, but when it happens with family it’s not that easy.

      It’s particularly important we get past people’s rhetoric. It’s time to stop giving people the benefit of doubt on their intentions and judge them instead on their actions and words.

      We’d feel happier, our lives would be better and we would feel more at ease with ourselves.

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