I’ve often wondered why people interpret the way they see us completely differently, to the way we see ourselves.
Unfortunately, other people will not always share the same views of us, mainly because their interpretations of us will be analysed through their own perceptions, attitudes and personal beliefs, not from our perceptions of ourselves.
For example, we think we’re interesting and engaging, but to others we’re too talkative and over the top without being interesting at all. Have you ever been in the position where it doesn’t matter what you say, others still see you differently and trying to convince them otherwise is useless? Sadly, how others see us will never measure up to the way we see ourselves.
I think as individuals we have tendencies to repeat behaviour patterns that go way back, but we don’t have to continue to enforce the same patterns, if those patterns aren’t right. In society, one pattern tends to fit all. I grew up around that thinking; but that’s slightly backward thinking. It’s also certainly not the case and people change and so too will their characters.
My belief is clear. Intuitively and instinctively we must be the change we want to see in our relationships. We must allow others to be whom they are, without passing judgment on how we think they are. I think it’s very unfair for anyone to have to constantly prove themselves.
If someone is compassionate, is kind and caring everyone should see those qualities in the same way as if someone is controlling and manipulative, everyone should see those qualities too. We should see what we are being presented with, not what we think we are being presented with.
Sadly, I have had to bend over backwards to prove myself, so I know how that feels. It’s not only annoying, but unfair. It also doesn’t make for happy relationships.