I didn’t know my life was a lie. When I look back that is exactly what it was, but it did encourage me to work through my bad days. I wasn’t done.
Living a lie without knowing about my disability transformed me into the person everyone expected me to be. At the age of 46, I found out about my disability, later finding out that I had been diagnosed at the age of 2.
However hard it is for a parent to deal with their child with a disability, it’s even harder for the child. I was made to live a deceptive life, thinking I was normal, knowing I didn’t fit normal and then finding out later on that I wasn’t.
The deceit was based around a disability, continually being played out that I didn’t know I had. I was misunderstood, seen as lazy, stubborn and argumentative. Not knowing I had autism meant I was continually being labelled in and out of school.
Knowing something but knowing nothing went against the very heart of my identity and I wasn’t in a position to change that. Everything I tried to stand for I failed at. Trying to act and behave normally with a brain injury, was a lie. I wasn’t living the life I was supposed to live.
It was impossible at times. Growing up, I was expected to fall into line with a disability I knew nothing about. I was expected to fall into line.