The neglect, my emotional and physical difficulties and not knowing I had Cerebral Palsy made me angry as a child and years on I’m still having to work through my symptoms.
If I didn’t get angry, I wouldn’t have been normal. Sadly for me, my anger made me a scapegoat for other people’s issues. It was easy to blame me because I was angry. It also made it more plausible that I might be to blame, because I was angry most of the time, but in reality that wasn’t the case.
I could have been bitter at the cards I’d been dealt, but I wasn’t, I was just angry. I was good at internalising everything, putting my own slant on my experiences, working through my bad days, believing that one day my time would come that I would eventually have a diagnosis.
That it was only a matter of time that I would get to find out. I never unconsciously gave up hope and that kept me grounded, it also kept me going. It’s not to say others wouldn’t have thought me bitter.
I never felt bad or asked why me, I remember thinking why not me, therefore I wasn’t bitter. I was continually being misunderstood.