The neglect, my emotional and physical difficulties and not knowing I had Cerebral Palsy made me angry as a child and years on I’m still having to work through my symptoms.
If I wasn’t angry, I wouldn’t have been normal. My anger made me a scapegoat for everything. It was easy to blame me because I was the angry child. It also made it more plausible that I would be to blame when things went wrong, because I was angry. I was a good child who was continually misunderstood.
I could have been bitter at the cards I’d been dealt, but I wasn’t, I was angry. I was good at internalising everything, putting my own slant on my experiences, working through my bad days, believing that one day my time would come that I would eventually have a diagnosis.
I believed it was only a matter of time and I would get to find out. I never unconsciously gave up hope and that kept me grounded, it also kept me going. It’s not to say those close didn’t think me bitter.
I never felt bad or asked why me, I remember thinking why not me. I wasn’t bitter, but I was continually being misunderstood.