Issues around control

We may permanently be in a state of stress, when we fail to search within ourselves for the answers to some of the issues we have.

Searching within ourselves can make a difference between a life that just moves us along without us really being in control, or a life that leaves us happier with full control. Many of us will use our routine as an excuse to avoid thinking about the issues we have that seem too difficult or painful to confront.

Unfortunately, though:

  • Our issues will be there no matter how busy we make ourselves;
  • At an unconscious level our issues will serve as a gentle reminder we still have them no matter what;
  • Our issues will always continue to interfere with our normal level of functioning, until we begin to deal with them.

It has been a constant battle for me trying to maintaining full control. Where I thought I had control I clearly didn’t, because there was always someone who had other ideas. Whether it’s us who has problems maintaining control, or it’s someone else who insists on having control, it’s important we try to maintain control.

In my formative years I was always trying to stay in control and never gave up on the concept that one day I would. In some respects I believe it becomes the norm on what we have to deal with and with whom. Our lives are ours; we must be in the driving seat and have full control. If we’re not in control, someone else is.

31 Jul, 2013

4 thoughts on “Issues around control

  1. I try to keep control of my life, but I know someone else has some control with me and it all boils down to money. I believe that money is the root of most evil and in my case of control. I will be getting some control back when I start working again.

    I’ve always been a perfectionist and I believe I have some OCD issues. My kitchen is the one room in the house where I have full control and when my daughter and her then boyfriend lived with us, it was a constant battle to maintain that control.

    They had to cook their own food so that meant they were in my kitchen! It irritated me to no end. I was always having to tell them to clean it up or put things back where they go. It was horrible and I couldn’t wait for them to be out of it.

    I tried to have control of my life while I was growing up and I think that is where my parents and I butted heads often, especially when I was a teenager. Due to my illness I guess my parents were just trying to keep me safe but they didn’t realize I needed to live my life.

    I didn’t get to go out with friends or go off with them and I think that is one reason I didn’t have much of a social life and why I don’t have, but a handful of friends today and almost no social life. That’s one area of my life I can’t get to work out.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I understand your parents feeling the need to over-protect you, my parents did too, but fell short in other areas. It could be that your parents’ although being over-protective were also that way inclined too. That generation weren’t great at encouraging independence.

      There is a dividing line between wanting to protect your child from harms way, but as long as you yourself weren’t making decisions that were harmful there is no reason why you couldn’t live your life the way you wanted. As parents our job is to guide.

      I know living with a condition like diabetes or in my case CP, will always need more attention than someone without and will make our parents more concerned, but perhaps the lack of a full understanding of what you were dealing with made them more protective of you.

      When we fully understand what someone deals with, we’re more likely to make better choices around what that person has to deal with. We can be protective as parents, but our children have to have a life.

      A balance must be reached. From what you say Lisa it sounds as though someone in your family still has the control and there is a balance yet to be reached.

  2. I strongly believe we must be in control or at least give the appearance of being in control.

    I wonder if anyone ever has full control of anything though. I think some people actually believe they are in full control until the inevitable happens.

    I think being in control requires a person to have the ability to see and translate any situation to reason.

    1. Thanks Tim. I think you’re absolutely right, we do have to be able to see and translate an issue or situation for us to be in full control. That is my belief too.

      As to whether we’re fully in control at any given time, I think there are certain situations particularly around health, where we may not always be fully control.

      As long as our lifestyle is reasonably good we will have more control over things like health, but that is one issue where I’m not completely sure we will have full control to prevent health issues, or maybe we’re not good at recognising the signs particularly around health problems.

      I missed the signs on acid reflux because I had no idea that is what it was. I believe we have to try though.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Order my new book

Ilana x