Issues & Illness

I’ve always known how important it is for us to deal with our issues before the person we have an issue with, is no longer around. Dealing with my father’s terminal illness has taught me that.

Sadly, if we don’t deal with our issues, those inevitably will stay with us. It’s even harder when a loved one is terminally ill, and we still have unresolved issues to resolve. To be honest it’s only when a loved one is faced with a terminal illness that we realise how many unresolved issues we’re dealing with that may never be resolved.

To leave unresolved issues because we’re afraid to say what they are, means we’ll continue to live with those issues long after our loved ones have gone. But it very much depends on the relationship. If we had the best relationship in the first place, we’d have very little issues to address. It’s not something I’ve been lucky to witness.

Dealing with any family member is hard enough but dealing with a family member who has a terminal illness and we’re trying to talk about our issues is even harder, particularly if they don’t want to talk about it and we’re finding it difficult to bring closure.

If someone isn’t talking about your issues before their terminal issues, the odds are them being ill won’t make a difference. It’s harder for us, but still important we talk about the issues that matter to us. Sadly, on our part, it’s us that have to live with the guilt once our loved ones are gone, because we didn’t get to say what we needed to say.

I won’t look back and feel remorseful that I didn’t say anything. Thankfully I did manage to talk about some of the things that we’re bothering me. We must talk if we want to keep our health in-tact.

4 Mar, 2013

6 thoughts on “Issues & Illness

  1. Great post. I totally agree with you.

    There are some issues I need to address with my mom but I never get a chance cause someone else is always around. It’s never just her and me right now. I’m thinking of making a card that says all the things I want to say but I really don’t want others to see it. It’s nothing bad.

    There are some other issues I should address with her but I’ve addressed them before and we always end up arguing and I don’t want to argue with her. She knows how I feel about things with my daughter and to some extent that satisfies me.

    I’m so glad you talked things out. I know you feel so much better about things. People need to address things before it’s to late. Don’t wait until the other person is on their death bed.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I’ve really nothing more to add! Your last sentence will resonate with many of us I’m sure. We must address issues before it’s too late.

  2. Thankfully with my mother we had a good relationship and at the end we did not have any unresolved issues.

    With my father however, there will likely be some things that I do not wish to address. This may change however if I get brave enough to say what I think before he passes. Only time will tell.

    I will deal with that when I feel it is necessary for me to do so. It is difficult. I know you have made peace. Good for you. Very brave.

    1. Thanks Randy. I think you’ll work it out as you go along. If it’s important enough for you, you’ll deal with whatever you need to say before your father passes.

      I felt it was important to address my own thoughts and I’m so pleased I did. It’s peace of mind if anything.

  3. You’re very lucky in that aspect since I didn’t have a chance to do that with my mother before she was lost due to her dementia!

    I can’t really do it with my father either since I think he’s really in his own little world now and doesn’t seem to comprehend things anymore.

    I’ve dealt with a lot of issues that have crippled me emotionally so that my life has been very chaotic to say the least. I have allowed others to control my life to the point that I haven’t had one since I was a teenager.

    There are times when I feel like I should be going through puberty rather than being at the age of having a mid-life crisis. It just irritates me to no end that I gave up on so much in my life due to my fears, doubts and insecurities.

    Now all I want to do is try to really grow up, so that I can at least try to help my daughter do better in her life, so she doesn’t end up wasting so much of it like I did!

    1. Randy, I’m not sure how much of this is down to you. We don’t consciously allow others to control our lives, usually we have no choice in the matter. That is my experience and from what you say is sounds like it’s your experience too!

      Perhaps you could write your father a letter and tell him how you feel about things. It’s not something you have to send to him, you could read the letter through then burn it. At one point I am sure I remember doing the same thing.

      Emotional growth is so important. When we’re held back emotionally because of the control element we don’t have a chance to grow, so I can understand your feelings now.

      I hope you sort your feelings out soon. You deserve it.

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