I’ve always known how important it is for us to deal with our issues before we can no longer discuss this. In the last year dealing with my father’s terminal illness, has confirmed that.
If we don’t deal with our issues, those issues inevitably stay with us. It’s even harder when a loved one is terminally ill and we still have unresolved issues to resolve. To be honest it’s only when a loved one is faced with a terminal illness that we realise how many unresolved issues we’re dealing with that may never be resolved.
To leave unresolved issues because we’re afraid to say what they are, means we’ll continue to live with those issues many years after our loved ones have gone. Some of us may feel guilty, others may feel that it’s perhaps the wrong time to bring important issues up that need addressing, particularly if the issues we need to address are with our loved one who happen to be terminally ill.
Of course, it depends very much on the relationship. If we had the best of relationships in the first place I’m sure we’d have very little issues to address. I don’t believe we need to go in guns a blazing, but we should at least try to deal with any outstanding issues, before it’s too late. Dealing with a terminal illness is hard enough, but dealing with someone’s terminal illness whilst living with those issues is even harder, particularly if we don’t manage to bring closure.
In the past year given my own personal circumstances I have chosen to talk out the issues that we’re bothering me the most and haven’t looked back. Unfortunately, no one can change the fact that our loved ones get ill, but we can change the issues that are important enough for us to change, whilst they’re still around. We tend to live with an enormous amount of guilt when they’re gone because we didn’t get to say what we needed to say.
I won’t look back and feel remorseful that I didn’t say anything. I got myself to a place where I managed to talk out some of the things I needed to talk through.