Issues & SPD

My disability isn’t so straightforward. Emotionally, any issue I don’t have a resolve on turns into a Sensory Processing Disorder scenario. The little every day things, I’m okay with.

Sadly, I can’t switch issues off if there is no end or resolve on the issues I’m dealing with, or think about anything else whilst the issue is praying on my mind. My mind usually goes straight to ‘overdrive,’ until something happens or something replaces it.

My first preference is always to physically remove the problem so I’m not having to deal with it, otherwise the problem stays with me until it’s resolved itself, but not before panic, anxiety and fear has already set in.

As a child, because my issues or problems were generally sorted out, so SPD was never obvious, although looking back, the tale-tale signs were always there. Finding out that a little girl called Helena who lived close by, who was in the same school year as my brother who had cancer, sent my senses into complete overdrive.

Whilst she sadly struggled with the disease, I couldn’t get her diagnosis or how she would go on to look out of my mind and carried that for years. When she died, my thoughts went into complete meltdown. I am sad at the thought of what she had to go through, but feel sick that with the right help and understanding on my Sensory Processing Disorder, that some of the panic, anxiety and fear I was tormented with, could have been nipped in the bud.

Although my mum would sit and talk about Helena’s illness, particularly before bedtime, it’s incredulous, knowing that my mum knew about my Cerebral Palsy diagnosis, but chose not to talk about my presenting symptoms, why I would show signs of fear and panic and not be able to come to terms with, or shift certain things in my mind.

Even if she wasn’t completely sure of why I presented in this way, getting professional help would have allowed strategies to be put in place. As a parent myself, no matter what issues my children have, I’m there to discuss things with them, should they need the help.

5 Aug, 2017

8 thoughts on “Issues & SPD

  1. I suspect the majority of people haven’t heard of SPD including myself, until you first wrote about. It sounds unpredictable and that must be scary.

    Your final sentence sums up my thoughts too. A parent’s job is to put the interests of their child first, irrespective of the cost and not to do that is just wrong.

    1. Thank you. Yes, intense, scary and unpredictable as you say. I feel better for having written about my experiences, but dealing with SPD as an adult doesn’t get any easier, unless provisions are in place to help us.

      People tend to think it’s just us and it’s not. It’s what we have to deal with. As you say, not putting a child’s interest first is just wrong.

      I know that without my inner thoughts, I wouldn’t have been mentally strong enough to survive, into my adult years on the back of my experiences.

      I have spent my who life dealing with trauma.

  2. Yes, it would have been nice if our parents had actually put our needs ahead of their own.

    You have the SPD from your Cerebral Palsy, whereas my issues stem from a childhood of being brainwashed into pretending everything was okay and not being allowed to process what was really going on.

    It is truly such a shame when kids have issues that can be addressed, but for whatever reasons the parents choose not to, while the child suffers the most. I have been watching this happen with my own daughter who’s mother doesn’t seem to think that having air conditioning, running in the middle of a New Mexico summer, is more important than what it costs.

    My daughter unfortunately, was raised mostly by her mother and isn’t able to really speak up for herself just like me! My point being, as was pointed out to me last night in not so gentle terms, is the reality of her situation.

    She’s 27 years old and has been allowed to just hide out from the world, rather than having the help she needs to deal with life and actually be able to have one.

    She may not be able to do certain things physically, but that shouldn’t have prevented her from figuring what she could do and being allowed to spread her wings, so to speak.

    I’m sure this is why we connect so well, seeing as in a lot of ways she’s just like me but not always in the best of ways. I wasn’t allowed to have any real sense of freedom as a kid and she wasn’t pushed to figure out what she really could do which is a shame.

    My struggles now are figuring out how to become independent for the first time in my life, wile helping my daughter to figure out the same thing.

    1. Thanks Randy. There is no doubt in my mind about your daughter and why you connect so well. You’re kindred spirits.

      How you describe your childhood and the abuse you sustained, is similar to how you describe your daughter’s life, so that sadly, is your answer.Holding any child back is a form of abuse and whilst your daughter is still exposed to that life, nothing can change for her.

      For me, your last paragraph sums up your response Randy. It’s what I would definitely be working on. To become and find ways to make yourself independent and help your daughter too, so that you can both live your lives the way you choose.

  3. Sometimes I feel like I have my son to the doctor too much, but he had all the Doctors and Specialist before we adopted him. He has so many sensory issues, it’s hard to tell when it’s sensory or something else.

    He is very complicated but is such a little boy and does almost all the little boy things.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I think your second sentence sums up just how complicated and complex sensory issues are.

      Although I have sensory issues and they’re probably not as bad as your little boy’s sensory issues, all SPD symptoms are complex, however small or large.

      Sadly, there is very little known about how they present and what others need to look out for. Some don’t even believe there is such a thing. I love the fact that you’re open to the fact that your son has them and never belittle what he deals with, however tough it gets for you.

      As you say it’s often difficult to know that which presents as SPD and that which is something else. Children will often play up out of frustration on what they deal with. It’s hard as a parent to know where one starts and the other ends.

      I think this is where Doctors and Specialists should know, so could advise, but sadly unless your child’s symptoms present from a book they’ve read from, it’s very difficult even for them to know for sure.

      I would perhaps go with motherly instinct. Being around our children long enough, we eventually get to know how their minds work.

      Don’t feel bad or guilty Lisa, you just want what’s best and as you say, measures were already in place to get that help.

  4. Wow the same thing here. I read somewhere that people with physical disabilities have a special inclination (SPD) to others who are suffering.

    Just 2 weeks ago a family we became close friends with a couple of years ago, just lost their son to a motorcycle crash. We live an hour away, so visiting them and helping them is very difficult.

    We made the drive the day their son died and the heartache seeing his parents and siblings in their unfortunate situation can’t be put into words, especially how far away we live and I feel so helpless!

    Communicating with them through text is some help, but not being able to help them emotionally by physically being there is agonizing.

    I’ve always felt a need along with a depressing sadness to help someone in an unfortunate circumstance and that person or people being on my mind and soul like a huge weight pulling me down.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. So sorry to hear about your friend’s son. My thoughts go out to his family at this sad time.

      I think you’re right. When we have a disability ourselves, there is already a feeling, a closeness, that we understand their plight. That we want to help. We don’t actually have to say anything.

      When I see anyone on the street with a disability, I feel the same way. I often want to stop and tell them I understand. Yes, quite.

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