It is what it is

I am not sure why ‘it is what it is’ was on my mind today, but perhaps the situation with my parents gone, has brought this thought into my mind.

I cannot change my own circumstances. It’s fine if you’re happy with the situation or outcome you are left with, but if it’s something that you know we’ll never be able to change, it may make it that much more difficult to come to terms with, particularly if you’re dealing with a loss.

If we know we cannot change a situation, we have to be able to at least manage that situation and that’s not easy either.

What does it is what it is mean?

It usually means we’re resigned to any given situation. It refers to a situation or issue, something we cannot change. It doesn’t mean that the situation we’re dealing with is ideal, but it is the situation that exists in our life at that time. For some it may be seen as negative, for others it may just be a way of us being able to observe our own issue or situation.

There are some things in our lives that we cannot change. We cannot change losing a relative, but we can change how we perceive our loss, so we deal with our loss positively. We also can’t change family. To harbour the point and wish we had or could change something we can’t is pointless and in the longer term is a waste of time.

It is what it is means that for that specific time the situation is what it is, but it’s not always something that is set in stone that we can’t change it. As with all things, the things we know we can change we should and the things we cannot change we need to be okay with.

It is what it is also means we must learn to live with what we have, in the present moment until we’re able to move on.


15 Mar, 2013

6 thoughts on “It is what it is

  1. I think trying to change people is a concern with a lot of people. I tried for years during my first marriage to change my husband. Being a nurse, we are healers and try to make people better. That’s exactly what I was doing.

    I was trying to heal my husband of his abuse of drugs, alcohol and his attitude. I started seeing a therapist to learn to deal with him and I learned then that I couldn’t heal him, he had to heal himself.

    I ended up leaving him 3 times and going back in then I left for the last time, resigned to the fact that I couldn’t heal him. So it was what it was.

    I agree with you. It is what it is and we have to resign ourselves to the fact that we cannot change it.

    1. Thanks Lisa. Yes certain things we cannot change. Unfortunately dealing with drug abuse is one war we will never win. I’m sorry that you had to go through it.

      I’m pleased things have worked out for you now.

  2. When it comes to family it is what it is, we can’t change how they are (although if what they say is wrong I usually call them out and explain why).

    It’s nearly impossible to change people that are set in their ways, especially the ones that think they are right all the time.

  3. We can change how we react and relate to people hopefully in a positive way. Not always easy, but it is worth the effort.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes that is something we can change and as you say it’s well worth the effort.

      Unfortunately there are other things we just cannot change.

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