It matters

It used to bother me that when I looked in the mirror and I was standing straight, I was lopsided. I couldn’t quite get over that.

Now it bothers me that I live with scoliosis and that I’ve been living with it since the age of 25, but I only found out less than a year ago. I remember going to the consultation with my father, but because the conversation wasn’t directed at me, it’s not something I remember fully.

It bothers me more that when I wear tight close fitting clothes my scoliosis looks worse than when I wear loose fitting clothes and am concerned that as I age it may get worse, although I’ve been told it is mild scoliosis. I’m more annoyed that it relates to cerebral palsy and I’ve had to stumble across both.

But the biggest thing that bothers me is the person who could have helped me come to terms with it all, didn’t want to know; even though I later learned out why.

25 Mar, 2015

4 thoughts on “It matters

  1. That wasn’t right that you were never told you have cerebral palsy and scoliosis. Life would not have been physically easier for you if you knew, but it would have helped you come to terms with the facts and continue on with your life. It must have been difficult knowing that physically you were struggling, but didn’t know why.

    The part where you mentioned that you used to get bothered by your reflection in the mirror, reminds me how uncomfortable I feel with my own reflection, while standing up. Even though I feel like I have come to terms with my cerebral palsy, it’s still a shock to see my reflection or see pictures of myself showing how I stand with my crutches.

    I believe it’s because normally I go through life feeling no different than everyone else, but my reflection tells me that yes indeed I look different with my crutches.

    1. Thanks Maria. Yes it’s only when we use reflection that we are reminded of how different things are for us.

      If I had have known back then what I know now, I would have brought about closure on this a lot sooner. Writing about my experiences in this way helps me see and understand my life and that’s when I realise it’s not my problem to carry and need to let this go.

      I also feel no different until I come to look in the mirror, then like you I am reminded that I do look slightly different.

  2. It would be a wonderful thing if we had the technology to literally live in someone else’s skin for just one day. We’d see how much it really matters and problems associated with neglect would completely cease.

    It matters to me when people are wronged and suffer needlessly because of someone else’s foolishness.

    1. Awww thanks Tim. You’re right, we would all be much better people, if we had the technology to live in someone else’s skin; even for one day.

      It also matters to me when people are wronged and suffer needlessly as a result; but all anyone can do were that to happen, is learn to change their own life.

      I like others cannot change what’s happened in my past, I have to live with that but I can change where I go from here.

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