Because my head’s in a tail spin most days and because I deal with anxiety and autism, it’s never easy. I hate that I deal with anxiety, that I struggle with clarity. I hate how autism and anxiety makes me feel.
All I want to do is withdraw until such a time I’m back in control of my thoughts and I feel better again. It’s the nature of what autism is. It’s not something I welcome, but something that’s become a part of me.
As a child, I’d spend a lot of time inside my own head, but I didn’t know I had anxiety or autism back then. Not having any decisions to make, meant others took responsibility and that made it easier for me.
I have responsibilities now, being an adult with autism isn’t easy. When I am able to cope more, I continue to push myself forward. When I don’t always have the luxury of clarity, I try my best to work things through: it’s not always easy.
Autism isn’t easy to deal with for those of us who have to deal with and navigate the condition, made all the harder for me because I have been dealing with my symptoms for 56 years without understanding them.