It’s never easy

Because my head’s in a tail spin most days and because I deal with anxiety and autism, it’s never easy. I hate that I deal with anxiety, that I struggle with clarity. I hate how autism and anxiety makes me feel.

All I want to do is withdraw until such a time I’m back in control of my thoughts and I feel better again. It’s the nature of what autism is. It’s not something I welcome, but something that’s become a part of me.

As a child, I’d spend a lot of time inside my own head, but I didn’t know I had anxiety or autism back then. Not having any decisions to make, meant others took responsibility and that made it easier for me.

I have responsibilities now, being an adult with autism isn’t easy. When I am able to cope more, I continue to push myself forward. When I don’t always have the luxury of clarity, I try my best to work things through: it’s not always easy.

Autism isn’t easy to deal with for those of us who have to deal with and navigate the condition, made all the harder for me because I have been dealing with my symptoms for 56 years without understanding them.


13 Jun, 2019

2 thoughts on “It’s never easy

  1. Yes, I can definitely relate, seeing as it isn’t ever easy to deal with these issues, like most people seem to think it is.

    It’s made even worse when you’re not told about the issues that you have and are simply expected to figure it out on your own. I have wasted most of my life trying to do that all on my own. I was too stubborn and proud to admit that I needed the help.

    I grew up in a world where asking for help was like one of the seven deadly sins, so that option was never open to me, or at least that was the way I was made to feel.

    People usually think I’m very shy or just being antisocial, when the reality is that I’m dealing with things in my head that they can’t even begin to comprehend.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, as children we learn very quickly what works.

      Now you shouldn’t have to explain yourself, those people who care about you will always want to help and won’t judge.

      The right people will rally round and if they don’t, they’re not the right people. It’s only in these times we understand more about the right people.

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