It’s not about control

Dealing with sensory impairments means I tend to overthink things, where things seem normal to everyone else. Wanting to know about things that will help settle my thoughts is never about control, or wanting to control other people’s decisions, it’s about wanting myself settled.

It’s about me being in control of my thoughts and feelings, particularly where other people’s decisions are affecting how I function. My mind settles when things feel normal, when I know other people’s decisions are measured, when the end result is as they anticipate.

Sadly, it’s easy to panic when decisions are made that don’t feel or look right. And if those who have made their decisions are already struggling, it’s even easier easy for my feelings to go into overdrive, as panic sets in.

When it comes to sensory issues, what I deal with is never easy, a curse in parts, but helpful in others, particularly because I get to work on my site.

3 Nov, 2017

4 thoughts on “It’s not about control

  1. I can understand how or why others would think it’s about control, but again you bring clarity for others to understand what you deal with and how it’s easy for others to misunderstand how things really are.

    I think you do remarkably well to have got yourself to a place where you have a fuller picture of all your symptoms and considering it’s been 8 years, you’ve covered enormous ground in that time.

    I think it’s up to others to come to understand. Hoping they will.

    1. Thank you. Yes, I’d like to think so! Neurological impairments really aren’t easy to navigate.

      They take a lot of working out. I’ve had 8 years to work them out. I’ve got to feel comfortable in our own skin, but there has to be understanding too.

      Understanding is what helps seal our relationships.

  2. Trust me Ilana, I know exactly what you mean, my thoughts go astray too. And even after I whisper apologies to myself I panic anyway; it’s like a feeling of being too late for something.

    So thanks for providing this forum to discuss these things and more, as you bring a certain calm to all of us.

    1. Thanks Tim. No worries. I am so happy that I bring clarity to your life too.

      I may provide the platform, but without the support through your responses, I’m not sure I’d be able to bring and keep the conversation going.

      Yes, it’s that feeling you get when you feel the control ebb away and you’re left emotionally exposed to the elements and you’re not sure which way to turn and that’s when panic and fear set in.

      If it’s something we’re dealing with it’s sometimes slightly easier to rationale, but not if it’s coming from someone else.

      It’s also about trying to understand and bring normality to a situation that literally doesn’t fill you with dread.

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