Juggling feelings around

Because I am trying to juggle so many things around, my head feels like it’s stuck in a vice. I can’t multi-task I think that’s part of the problem.

I’ve been putting new re-edits for my Manuscript together, whilst continuing to write and run my website, so mentally I’m tired. Not an easy task for someone who is better at completing single orderly tasks, more than she is multi-tasking.

Having managed to get out for a walk, I bumped into someone I hadn’t seen for years. We got to talking and she asked how I was and what I was doing. She didn’t know I had cerebral palsy and the first thing she said was ‘sorry.’

Coming from someone who didn’t know me well: it was lovely how she automatically understood my disability, how she knew that with cerebral palsy I would have certain digestion issues and lovely that she asked me about those.

For the first time there was someone who was standing in front of me, who wasn’t standing in judgment and who was happy to talk about my disability, someone who had no preconceived ideas or opinions on my difficulties.

There’s no getting away from it, now contrast that with ‘my story’ with others having put their own self-interests and their lives first.


2 Apr, 2019

4 thoughts on “Juggling feelings around

  1. There are nice people out there. I am sure you bumped into this person to reaffirm that. But I am not surprised you’re mentally tired.

    Juggling the site and your book manuscript are both large undertakings. I am very excited to hear some positive news about your book soon.

    1. Yes, I think I needed to finally hear something positive about my disability and for her to reaffirm none of this was my fault. She didn’t have to say the words, her implied tone was enough to know.

      I’ve had to continually rise up to the challenge of changing ‘negative to positive’ and feel I have achieved that through my writing. I came away from that chance meeting feeling exonerated, like I was meant to meet her for her to say and for me to hear her words.

      Yes, I could never imagine 9 years on I would have a full working manuscript that stems from my writing. I still have a long way to go, but I am both humbled and excited by the prospect that one day what I have produced will be a book. Thank you.

  2. Ilana, you’re connected to everything in a very profound way, too numerous to name. So control your urges to criticize yourself. No one can multi-task better than you, take a glance around.

    And I really, truly believe any book deal will produce awesome results, just wait and see!

    1. Thanks for your confidence in me Tim. That means a lot to me. I do better when I’m working at my own slow pace with my work, but around chores or housework it doesn’t play out like that when I’m around others.

      I’m looking forward to seeing my hard work in print. Fingers crossed on that one. I’m happy to go with, wait and see. Imagine that!

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