As a child I was never far away from my thoughts. Even though I would often retreat, I didn’t ignore my thoughts. Ignoring my thoughts would have put me in a worse emotional and mental space: they would have cut me off from my life.
It is important we deal with our thoughts so that we can focus on staying physically present and keep our thoughts moving, so that we don’t ignore or hide from ourselves. We must reflect and talk about things, so that we understand our experiences and our lives.
Even though my thoughts were current, I couldn’t get past certain aspects of my life and because no one was owning up to their part around my issues, I began to carry the blame for my failings as I saw them.
I was aware things weren’t right. I could see I had a bad leg and foot. I didn’t understand why they were bad. I couldn’t have known back then about my learning difficulties because I had brain damage resulting in autism. I also didn’t equate my bad leg and foot with a disability, or that they had a name. I had never met anyone with the condition for me to compare.
But no matter your life, where no one else takes responsibility, you unconsciously begin to blame yourself for the way your life turns out, without thinking about others and the part they played. Having used reflection, it helped me see and understand how and why my experiences have turned out the way they have.
We must understand exactly how the blame game works for us to take back control. At the age of 46, with a diagnosis and in control of my life for the first time, my new life began.