Knowing brings understanding

Not everyone will agree with what a non-fiction author writes, but we all have a right to know about our life and talk about how we feel.

The truth is that without knowing, exploring or understanding our experiences, we may never feel whole or comfortable with ourselves, or our life. Being able to talk about what we deal with means we can have a more peaceful life.

I remember all my struggles, how I presented, struggling to understand myself. As a small child, in school I struggled to make friends, found it difficult to mix, and to initiate conversations. Autism had everything to do with it.

Now I know everything I need to know about my disability that should help me feel better about my life, but it doesn’t. All it does is bring understanding. Fifty-eight years on, and how I got to know about my disability will never heal.

I keep going back to my disability, how I got to this place, my struggles in school, my struggles in every day life. How do you reconcile experiences that we’re allowed to run and run? I don’t think you do.

Too much water under the bridge. That part of my life can never be put right, even with the understanding. I’ve lived a difficult life.

1 May, 2021

4 thoughts on “Knowing brings understanding

  1. We need to acquire knowledge to develop a better understanding. Without having written your book that journey would have been impossible to process.

    You have lived a difficult life but in doing so, you have helped and continue to help others navigate their difficult lives too.

    1. Thanks. Yes, knowing everything helps, but it doesn’t make it any easier because I live with autism and that changes everything.

      That said, I am happy something good is happening, and that I am able to make a difference.

      It’s food for the soul and I thrive on it. I believe others will too, through my blog and as a tool, through my book.

  2. ‘Knowing is half the battle’ is the expression that comes to mind. I knew about the things at a very early age that were wrong in my life, but with the way I was raised, I was made to feel powerless about changing any of it.

    I’ve only now in the past couple of years thought about how much I can do to change my life, and it has been so liberating. Of course it doesn’t change the facts about what I went through as a kid, which I still think about and regret.

    I’m not sure if I’ll ever be at peace with any of this, and I’m trying to stop blaming myself for everything which helps.

    1. Thanks. Yes, you wouldn’t be you Randy, or the Randy that I know, you’d be a different version of you.

      What I find liberating is that you’re normal in the sense that you’ve lived a life you have struggled with, and recognise your struggles.

      As you say, ‘knowing is half the battle’ the other half is being able to come to terms and find an acceptance with your struggles on a life lived.

      You may not feel as though you have the power, but you have the power to change certain aspects of your life moving forward. The past is gone, that’s not open to you, but the future is yours for the taking.

      It’s okay to think about things, but not all the regrets are yours to own. Regrets are camouflaged as experiences, initially brought about through another person’s actions and our reactions to that.

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