I’ve already written a blog about establishing boundaries, but wanted to elaborate further. Ultimately we need to establish our own healthy boundaries, so that our influences are our own.
Get to know yourself:
We need to know our own limitations; what we will happily accept from other people. We must know what we stand for because without understanding ourselves, we’ll always be vulnerable to accepting everyone and everything, instead of saying No where we feel it’s necessary to say no.
Get to trust your own instincts:
We must establish and trust our own instincts instead of trusting someone else’s. When we trust our own instincts, we learn to recognise who is honest and trustworthy with us and who crosses the line and who doesn’t care. Our instinct is important if we are to maintain healthy boundaries. We must listen to ourselves and work instinctively, if we are to process certain situations accurately.
Respect your feelings:
Unfortunately, setting your own boundaries takes time and practice. It’s not something that just happens overnight. It takes many years to perfect, but it is us who are responsible for ourselves. Think about what you want for yourself first, then work out what you want from your relationships with others.
If no works for you, say no:
If you feel what is being asked of you isn’t for you, say no and stick with your decision. Don’t feel pressured or swayed into a decision that isn’t right for you. If you need to stand your corner because you’re being asked the same question more than once, you’re being taken advantage of. No, the first time should be enough.
Toxic relationships won’t correct themselves whilst you’re being kind. Being kind in a relationship that’s toxic, just gives someone else more ammunition to be less than kind if they are that way inclined. Finally, understand what you need to do to make your own personal changes. Set your own healthy boundaries and stick with them.
From my own experience, I am confident that in time, experience will show you the way.