Knowing ourselves

I’ve already written a blog about establishing boundaries, but wanted to elaborate further. Ultimately we need to establish our own healthy boundaries, so that our influences are our own.

Get to know yourself:

We need to know our own limitations; what we will happily accept from other people. We must know what we stand for because without understanding ourselves, we’ll always be vulnerable to accepting everyone and everything, instead of saying No where we feel it’s necessary to say no.

Get to trust your own instincts:

We must establish and trust our own instincts instead of trusting someone else’s. When we trust our own instincts, we learn to recognise who is honest and trustworthy with us and who crosses the line and who doesn’t care. Our instinct is important if we are to maintain healthy boundaries. We must listen to ourselves and work instinctively, if we are to process certain situations accurately.

Respect your feelings:

Unfortunately, setting your own boundaries takes time and practice. It’s not something that just happens overnight. It takes many years to perfect, but it is us who are responsible for ourselves. Think about what you want for yourself first, then work out what you want from your relationships with others.

If no works for you, say no:

If you feel what is being asked of you isn’t for you, say no and stick with your decision. Don’t feel pressured or swayed into a decision that isn’t right for you. If you need to stand your corner because you’re being asked the same question more than once, you’re being taken advantage of. No, the first time should be enough.

Toxic relationships won’t correct themselves whilst you’re being kind. Being kind in a relationship that’s toxic, just gives someone else more ammunition to be less than kind if they are that way inclined. Finally, understand what you need to do to make your own personal changes. Set your own healthy boundaries and stick with them.

From my own experience, I am confident that in time, experience will show you the way.


13 Apr, 2013

8 thoughts on “Knowing ourselves

  1. I think I have a pretty good handle on my feelings. I just don’t know how to say ‘no’ all the time and have been used because of it. I tend to feel guilty if I say no.

    People have done so much for me and my family (all of my family). It comes from my father’s father. My grandfather would help people out all the time. I have some friends that are a few years older than me who didn’t have enough money to get somewhere to live and couldn’t get a loan, so my grandfather gave them the money they needed and of course they paid him back in full.

    My grandfather would do this type of thing all the time and my father was the same in a way. He couldn’t afford to loan people money for a home, but he would do it for other things and they both would help people out in other ways. People would say call Mac or Jack, he will help.

    Growing up with family like this helped me become who I am today. Being a nurse I love helping people. The only person I know of that I truly couldn’t help was my first husband. I tried for years to help heal him but he just went down the wrong path and eventually ended his own life. My therapist told me I couldn’t help him, he had to help himself.

    I know myself well enough that I know what I would do in certain situations before it happens. I trust my instincts even though sometimes they are wrong. I respect my own feelings even if no one else does.

    1. Thanks Lisa. Like you I could never say No. I would put myself out when asked to do something from family because I felt guilty saying No. If we’re that way inclined we will always say Yes, until we learn to say No.

      There’s a reason why we’re made to feel guilty, but we should have the confidence to say what we really want. I know myself enough to know what I want now. For me those days are long gone.

      Although I have to say; saying No periodically because it’s right for us to say No doesn’t stop us from putting ourselves out for other people.

  2. Ilana, Kudos to you for writing this post. The disciplines you articulated in this post ring true in its entirety.

    The information you provided is both timely and helpful. Thank you

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