Whenever anyone withholds information from someone, it’s usually because it suits them not to know, because that way they don’t have to deal with it, but that will always bring a different thinking from us.
What that person is telling us is that they not only have a problem with the information they’re withholding, because it means them having to come out of their comfort zone, but they have a problem with themselves. I knew I had a leg and foot that didn’t work right and I that I struggled in school, but everything else I’ve had to work out myself subsequently.
What our parents choose to do is for them to reconcile, that’s not up to us, we’re the child. We tend to have to work our lives accordingly and somehow fit in. How do I feel now? Numb and disbelief would be the perfect adjectives to use; numb that this was my life and disbelief that they would choose to behave this way.
Luckily, I don’t see myself as being disabled or a person with special needs, although I do have moments where it’s clear to others and myself I am mentally struggling. To the untrained eye I look and behave normally.
Perhaps being ignored and having to learn to fit in and adapt the best I can has taught me how to function. Where the emotional help isn’t forthcoming, we must learn quickly. I believe my spiritual beliefs were protecting me, even back then.
Innately, although difficult at times, I tried to hold on to the belief that somehow my life would change and I would get my diagnosis.