I haven’t written a journal about my childhood for a while now, but what I am about to write was on my mind this morning after a conversation with my father last night.
We were talking about my family’s reactions to me having cerebral palsy. My father acknowledged mistakes but cannot remember the detail. I know that I cannot change all the mistakes made, but over the years those mistakes became my routine and legacies.
I waited until I became an adult then slowly began to change things from my childhood. We take snippets from our parents. If we’re brought up knowing our parents don’t have money, we eventually learn not to ask. That has implications too, because we may find it hard to spend money on ourselves, although we may find it easier to spend it on others.
How do we break childhood legacies? We must change our subconscious thoughts so that our conscious begins to think the same thoughts. A lot of our life consists of repeated patterns and it’s those patterns that need to change.
I chose to write down my memories, so that I could see the patterns. It’s important to acknowledge where we’re responsible, but just going through the process will help us see other people’s part in our experiences.
At the end of the process it’s important not to own what isn’t yours.