Living with anxiety

It’s normal to feel anxious every now and again. But living with anxiety because you deal with an impaired emotional disability makes it harder. Autism is a disability in itself.

Bad thoughts, not being able to switch thoughts or let go of bad thoughts, are all part of the same scenario, combine that with cerebral palsy where the cerebral cortex (the part of the brain that deals with emotions) is extensively damaged and it’s near to impossible to control.

Anxiety is part of autism that I didn’t know I had. It’s not surprising I continually feel battered and bruised. My writing helps, but the more I shed light on my different experiences, the more it temporarily highlights an internal wound. Anxiety is difficult enough, a brain haemorrhage that impairs your emotions even more so.

When there are stressful issues I have to deal with, bad thoughts continue to whir around in my head. Usual thoughts are fine, but where some of those thoughts aren’t particularly kind, or there is a worry, it becomes more difficult.

I didn’t know I had an anxiety, let alone a disorder that is part of a group of mental disorders that can leave you distressed, panicked and unable to carry on with normal everyday life, if they are not swiftly dealt with.

Where I struggle with reactions and to change, around issues that aren’t easily contained, those blow up into something bigger. My anxiety disorder can be overwhelming and disabling.

Through Generalised Anxiety Disorder, it is easy for me to deal with unrealistic worry and tension. If I struggle to understand with or without an explanation, I concern and worry, and both create the fear I feel.

Anxiety isn’t always easy for me to manage, made more difficult because I manage and live with autism. Although it’s something I continue to deal with, I need to continue to find ways to manage and co-exist around both disabilities.

28 Mar, 2020

4 thoughts on “Living with anxiety

  1. My girlfriend asked me last night if I had anxiety over the current circumstances. I grew up in a world where there was always a crisis happening, so you become desensitized to it.

    The hardest part is trying to explain this to an anxious person. I have been diagnosed with GAD myself so I definitely get it. On the outside I may seem very calm, but on the inside, I’m screaming like Sam Kinison in a complete panic.

    It’s not very pleasant to be this way, since you can only feel so much, but once you hit a certain point you end up not feeling anything at all.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, I’m pleased you can desensitize yourself around anxiety. Switching off is a good thing for the time you need it, but you have to remember to switch back on and come back in. I think it’s great your girlfriend asked you. It shows she cares.

      My emotions are so impaired through brain damage I struggle to do that. If I get to the stage where I’m beginning to panic, I find it difficult to stop. I would say you can use that to your advantage.

  2. I experienced a little anxiety just yesterday. The sign of our times was the problem that plagued me.

    But today I’m determined to manage my thoughts a little better, instead of my thoughts managing me. But then again, I do an awesome job at pretending.

    1. Thanks Tim. When you say, ‘the sign of our times was the problem that plagued me’ – it’s plaguing me too. You’re not alone.

      I’m so pleased you’re determined to manage your thoughts Tim. Those that know you well, will know your struggles. I’m here for you too.

      I’m also trying hard to manage my thoughts. I find keeping busy works better for me. I’ll just have to keep writing!

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